Wonketteartistic contributor (and Chicago Reader staffer, yay!) Lauri Apple has a special War On Xmas Eve present to bless all of you, everyone: It's the Talking Thomas Friedman Doll, direct from a business-class flight from some exotic foreign destination with Pizza Huts and golf courses! He's so full of crap, your dogs will try to eat him!

Print it out for that special person you don't really want to spend money on:

Hooray for globalist banality!