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Tony Blair Denies Putting His Danglybits In Wendi Deng Murdoch's Vengeful Chasm

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Sad news, friends, and that sad news is that a wonderful friendship, a bromance for the ages, is no more just because Rupert Murdoch thinks former prime minister and US buttboy Tony Blair was puttin' it to his wife, Wendi Deng. Obviously, this is untrue, as no man can survive Wendi Deng's ladygarden.


But while we know it is untrue, because Science, why might Rupert Murdoch have believed it? Oh no reason, none at all, nothing to see here folks do move along!

Trigger Warning for quoting from the Daily Mail:

Sources close to Mr Murdoch in London say that staff at his home in California claimed Mr Blair and Ms Deng stayed there overnight at the same time on weekends in October 2012 and April this year, without Mr Murdoch’s knowledge.

It is also claimed that Mr Blair and Ms Deng had ‘multiple encounters’ of which Mr Murdoch was unaware. They are said to include a weekend overnight stay at Mr Murdoch’s home in Los Angeles and meetings in London and New York.

There is no suggestion by this newspaper of any impropriety by Mr Blair or Ms Deng. And Mr Blair’s friends have repeatedly denied he had an affair with Ms Deng.

Oh, REALLY Daily Mail? No suggestion of anything but secret transcontinental (doubtless nude) slumber parties? Here, let us suggest it for you: Wendi, you slut! Tony, you bastard! Rupert, you ... sad old criminal who should probably not have married someone 40 years your junior, whatevs.

Also, it makes a hell of a lot more sense than this.

But could this be something of a pattern for Deng Murdoch? Let's ask the fount of some knowledge:

When Deng was living with Jake and Joyce Cherry during her studies in the United States, Joyce Cherry discovered her husband Jake was having an affair with Deng, who was 30 years his junior, and demanded she leave the house. Jake Cherry soon followed and moved in with her, and the two married in 1990. Their marriage lasted 2 years and 7 months before they were legally divorced, but Jake would later explain they only stayed together for 4 or 5 months, when he learned that Deng was spending time with David Wolf, a man closer to her age. Nonetheless, she had been able to secure a green card through her marriage to Cherry.

In 1997, she met Rupert Murdoch at a company party in Hong Kong. They married in 1999, less than three weeks after the finalisation of his divorce from his second wife, Anna Maria Torv Murdoch Mann. Wendi and Rupert have two children, Grace (born 2001) and Chloe (born 2003). Tony Blair is Grace Murdoch's godfather. In June 2013, Murdoch filed for divorce from Deng, citing "irreconcilable differences."

You are all horrible vile lowlifes who deserve each other forever and ever, amen.

[DailyMail]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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