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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Not Resign Until You Pull His Crack Pipe From His Cold Dead Hands

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Here is Toronto Mayor Rob Ford screaming “Get off my driveway” and "Thank you!" at some reporters Thursday morning. Toronto police said Thursday that they have that cell-phone video that allegedly shows the magnificent douchebarge smoking crack, but the mayor said yesterday afternoon that he has "no reason to resign," possibly because he is as well-connected to The System as he seems disconnected from reality.

Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair said Thursday that his department has "video files [that] depict images that are consistent with what has previously been reported,” after a court ordered the department to release documents on police surveillance of Ford.

The Toronto Star has a lengthy story on the wacky hijinks of Ford and (alleged) drug dealer pal Alexander “Sandro” Lisi over the summer, as documented in the police reports. Lisi knew he was being watched, and would often change course and try other techniques to throw off following vehicles; also, "Ford helped Lisi escape police surveillance at least once, letting his friend sneak into City Hall’s underground employee parking lot." Police even followed the two around with an airplane as well. Among other fun details, video surveillance shows that Ford would regularly leave his Escalade parked at a gas station, where Lisi would pull up in a Range Rover and then leave a package or envelope in Ford's car. What was in those packages or envelopes? Who knows?! Could have been just about anything, after all.

You might also be astonished to learn that Ford seems to have broken off all contact with Lisi after Gawker and the Toronto Star reported on the existence of the phone video that allegedly shows Ford smoking crack. Or you might not.

Lisi was arrested Thursday and charged with extortion; Blair said that the investigation was continuing, but did not say whether charges against Ford would be filed. At a two-minute meeting with reporters yesterday, Ford was asked a wide range of questions, but said only "I wish I could defend myself, unfortunately I can’t because it’s before the courts right now,” and that of course he had no reason to resign.

We can hardly wait until the movie of this gets made. Wonder if John Goodman can pull off a Canadian accent?

[Toronto Star]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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