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BREAKING NEWS ABOUT OBAMA PEOPLE BEING BAD! Earlier this year, we were inundated with trifling bullshit about how the real Russia scandal was that "Obama people" did "wire tapps" to Donald Trump, and that Obama National Security Adviser Susan Rice had improperly "unmasked" Trump people, which would just be UNFAIR. Where did she get off catching Trump people in the act of colluding with Russia, if that was what she was, in fact, doing?

Eli Lake at Bloomberg wrote a breathless SCOOP! piece about how Ezra Cohen-Watnick, who was one of Michael Flynn's boys at the National Security Council until he was fired in August, found Rice "unmasking" Trump people numerous times during the campaign and the transition, except for oops, Lake was forced to admit in the 9th paragraph of his story that his story was not a story, and Cohen-Watnick had caught Rice red-handed in the act of doing totally normal things that national security advisers do.

Trump lapdog Rep. Devin Nunes wasted a whole week of America's time, running back and forth from the White House to the White House to get secret intelligence from the White House (from Cohen-Watnick specifically!) about Rice "unmasking" Trump people, which he immediately and breathlessly shared with the White House. It was so obnoxiously obvious that he was compromised that he pretended to recuse himself from the Russia investigation entirely. (He is not recused. In fact, his paw prints are still ALL OVER Trump's attempts to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation.)

Rice testified behind closed doors for the House Intelligence Committee recently, and CNN has a leaky scoop regarding the unmasking crimes she admitted to. Turns out she was just curious why, during the Trump transition, Trump people were sneaking the crown prince of the United Arab Emirates into New York without telling the Obama administration:

Former national security adviser Susan Rice privately told House investigators that she unmasked the identities of senior Trump officials to understand why the crown prince of the United Arab Emirates was in New York late last year, multiple sources told CNN.

This was in December, a month before Betsy DeVos's brother, Blackwater monster Erik Prince, went to a secret meeting in the Seychelles facilitated by the UAE, about setting up secret back channels with Russia for the Trump team. Ayup.

The crown prince, Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed al-Nahyan, arrived in New York last December in the transition period before Trump was sworn into office for a meeting with several top Trump officials, including Michael Flynn, the president's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and his top strategist Steve Bannon, sources said.

The Obama administration felt misled by the United Arab Emirates, which had failed to mention that Zayed was coming to the United States even though it's customary for foreign dignitaries to notify the US government about their travels, according to several sources familiar with the matter.

BURN SUSAN RICE FOR A WITCH, for that sounds ... completely routine. She wanted to know why this Emirati sheikh we monitored in completely normal surveillance was sneaking into America and through the back door of Trump Tower, and in order to get a clearer picture of that, she said "HEY UNMASK THESE DILDO HONKERS." Oh hi, Steve Bannon, Jared Kushner, and Michael Flynn! We see you!

When we originally learned that Rice had unmasked Trump people, Devin Nunes and Rand Paul and the brain trust at Fox News were all like "CRIME! CRIME! SUSAN RICE IS A BLACK LADY! CRIME!" But after Rice's testimony (which we assume was about all the unmasking and not just this one thing with the sheikh, but you know, #classified), Republicans on the committee are singing a different tune:

"I didn't hear anything to believe that she did anything illegal," Florida Rep. Tom Rooney, a Republican helping to lead the panel's Russia invesigation, told CNN of Rice's testimony. He declined to discuss any of the contents of her classified remarks.

Oh. What about Mike Conaway, who took over the investigation after Nunes "recused" himself?

"She was a good witness, answered all our questions," Rep. Mike Conaway, the Texas Republican now running the House Russia probe, told CNN. "I'm not aware of any reason to bring her back."

Well shit.

But Trey Gowdy? Surely he still has a hard-on for locking Rice the fuck up?

Rep. Trey Gowdy, a South Carolina Republican who is helping lead the House investigation, told the Daily Caller "nothing that came up in her interview that led me to conclude" that she improperly unmasked the names of Trump associates or leaked it to the press.

HUH. She must be a more devious crimer than we ever knew, if she rolled these Republicans boys like this!

And what about flagrant shit-noggin Devin Nunes?

Nunes refused to answer questions when asked about Rice Tuesday evening.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gonna guess that's CNN's nice and polite way of saying that in response to questions, Nunes shed a few anger tears, then went back to picking corn out of his b-hole while he awaits further instructions from Donald Trump, his real dad.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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