Trump Ally Alex Jones: Obama's Father Smelt Of Elderberries, And His Mother Was A Hamster

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Why would anyone doubt this man?


Before we leave Donald Trump's Farewell to Birtherism behind forever (fat chance!), we'd just like to note that Alex Jones, that walking bag of conspiracy theories and night soil, never doubted for a minute that Barack Obama was born in these United States. He just doubted that Barack Obama's parents were who they said they were, and were also commies and spies. Here's the crazy video, but you can skip it if you want:

Frankly, we hardly care about what whatever load of dingos' kidneys Jones said, because we all had so much fun in the Wonkette Secret ChatCave with Media Matters' headline for the thing, from their Twitter feed (and the Tweet transcribes the video anyway):

Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is fake, and his mother was a CIA "sex operative"

It's poetry. And you can also fill in the blanks with anything, for comedy fun times similar to the "MadLibs" game, which is probably trademarked so don't call it that.

Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is _______, and his mother was __________

Let's try a few!

  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama's father is gay, and his mother was the singing mouse at Showbiz Pizza Place.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is a mannequin, and his mother was a pod person.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is inconceivable, and his mother started a land war in Asia.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is a Nash Rambler, and his mother was Gozer the Destructor.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is a balding middle-aged man on rollerskates, and his mother was Mecha-Hitler.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is the Avatar Master of all four elements, and his mother was Mary Magdalene.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is Jimmy Hoffa, and his mother killed Inigo Montoya's father. Prepare to die.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is tearing me apart, Lisa! and his mother was eating her! And then they're going to eat me! OH MY GAAAAHHD!
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is Optimus Prime, and his mother was only remembered by '90s kids.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is illusory, and his mother was a hyperintelligent shade of the color blue.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is too gay to function, and his mother keeps trying to make "fetch" happen. It's not going to happen.
  • Trump ally Alex Jones: Obama’s father is your mom, and his mother was your FACE.

In conclusion we were short an article and it was almost quitting time.

[Media Matters]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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