Trump: America So Rich, Please Send Bailout!
NO RECESSION! NO RECESSION! YOU ARE THE RECESSION THAT IS DEFINITELY NEVER EVER HAPPENING SINCE DONALD TRUMP GAVE RICH PEOPLE A GIANT TAX CUT AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! You can tell the White House isn't panicking by all the emergency measures they keep proposing to stave off the economic downturn they're certain isn't on the way.
Trump's economic advisor Larry Kudlow is out there drunk-uncling to Chuck Todd about fear of optimism. Trade advisor Peter Navarro is contradicting his own research on the meaning of the inverted yield curve -- and if a crank like Navarro knows it's bad news, then it's bad. And Donald Trump has declared an economic downturn is unpossible because, "Our consumers are rich. I gave a tremendous tax cut, and they're loaded up with money."
Meanwhile at the White House, they are absolutely losing their shit at the prospect of an economic downturn during the 2020 election. The Washington Post reports that Trump's advisors have floated passing a payroll tax cut to get more money into the pockets of America's already "rich" consumers. Congress approved a payroll tax cut under President Obama in 2011 and 2012 in an effort to drag the economy out of the Bush recession, but it's not clear why it would do so today when we're all so "loaded up with money" that we can hardly spend it fast enough.
The White House adamantly denies that any such policy is under consideration, despite three sources confirming to the Post that senior White House officials were discussing it as recently as Monday. And while payroll cuts for people who show up to work are less offensive than a tax giveaway to rich people, the move would still blow a $70-75 billion hole in government revenues for every percent the government leaves on the table, according to the Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget. Which is a weird move when everything is fine, nothing to see here, we're all just swimming in extra cash thanks to our Fearless Leader.
And while we're absolutely not pulling the fire alarm here, Donald Trump would like those "lack of vision" dipshits at the Federal Reserve to gift him a drastic rate cut of one percent -- i.e. four times what they did three weeks ago -- and some quantitative easing to devalue the dollar, too, for good measure.
In sum, the economy is the strongest it's ever been. There's absolutely nothing to worry about. And if the fire department would simply aim all their hoses at the dumpster fire that's not burning over here, that would be MAGA-tastic!
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