Trump And Fox, Just Flashing White Power Signs To Each Other All Morning

POPPY, TAKE YOUR MEDS! America's Couch Potato in Chief spent the morning live-tweeting Fox & Freaking Out Your Dad For Ratings. Today the White Grievance Goon Squad spent the six o'clock hour whipping up the Silent Generation over the INVASION of Our Southern Border by a scary caravan of ragged, starving people trying to escape poverty and crime in their home countries. And Donald Trump knows who is to blame for the existential threat to this, our fragile superpower with full employment and fruit rotting on the trees.

That's right, it's those dastardly Democrats! If only they would allow ICE to throw MORE babies in cages, if we could just build gulags as White Jesus intended, no one would seek asylum in the United States. (Nope.) Then we could all go back to the way it was when America was great and strawberries cost $9/lb and you could have iceberg or romaine, but not mesclun which is some kind of Messican drug probably. MAGA!

Take it from Tom Homan, former chief gulag officer, whose nomination to lead ICE fell apart because he was too excited to make immigrants miserable.

If you look closely at the photos of the migrants, you see Nancy Pelosi leading the charge decked out in her St. John knit suit and a pair of Timberlands.


And was Donald Trump busy presidenting this morning? Or was he parked on his substantial haunches, patriotically watching Rupert Murdoch's propagandapalooza?

Looks like he was watching TV, like always. And tweeting out threats to upend American foreign policy based on nonsense spewed by the white couch idiots, like always. So now we're in danger of blowing up NAFTA, oh sorry USMCA, because 3,000 poor people are 800 miles from the US border, walking together so they don't get individually raped or robbed.

Time to send in the Army so they can ... something! The government is barred by the Posse Comitatus Act from using troops to enforce domestic law. Darn you, Democrats, making Republican Rutherford B. Hayes sign that stupid act in 1878 just to let in a bunch of illegal murderers to throw the election 140 years later!

Say, you know what this morning needs? Jew-baiting. Because it's not idiotic enough already.

Leave aside for a moment the plausibility of people packing their bags and marching 1,000 miles with every likelihood of being arrested and sent back home in exchange for a single, small bill handed out somewhere in Honduras. What is Congressman DUI blathering about now? Is the guy whose district was just devastated by Hurricane Michael really trying to distract from his party's debacle by shouting "JEW! JEW! JEW!" with no proof of any connection whatsoever? Yes, he is. And he's got 43,000 people so far who are eating that shit up. That train is never late!


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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