Trump And Gateway Pundit Will Find Videos Of Capitol Rioters F*ckin' And Singin' 'Kumbaya' To Jesus

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Trump And Gateway Pundit Will Find Videos Of Capitol Rioters F*ckin' And Singin' 'Kumbaya' To Jesus

Gateway Pundit, the website belonging to the Stupidest Man On The Internet, needs your help. "Calling all Patriots!"

The Trump legal team wants The Gateway Pundit community to help them in their crowdsourcing of video footage from the January 6th protests in Washington DC.

Making a scrapbook?

Trump attorney Peter Ticktin released a letter asking for the public’s help in locating January 6th footage to assist his team in defending President Trump.

Oh, this should be good. And yes, this is the same lawyer who sued Hillary Clinton for Trump back in March, accusing her of doing TEH RICO!!!1!!1!!! As Wonkette's legal expert Liz Dye explained back then, it was the stupidest Trump lawsuit she had ever read, at least that particular week.

STUPID! Remember When Hillary And James Comey Conspired To Steal Election From Herself? Trump LOLsuit Remembers!

We're going to go through this letter piece by piece, because there are just a bunch of things to laugh at. Starting at the top, where we see that a lawyer with a slogan is holding himself out as the lawyer for the former president of the United States. "The lawyers you want between you and your problems," declares the slogan at the top of the letter, which also includes an email address with the domain name "LegalBrains.com."

Are you, like, so impressed?



The letter explains, in complicated legal language, that if you are reading this, "you probably know that our election was stolen and that the whole January 6th 'Insurrection' was not what the Left want us to believe it was." And he's going to prove it! He's going to prove Donald Trump didn't do an "insurrection."

And in order to do this, he's enlisting the help of the braintrust of Jim Hoft's comments section.

And he needs some video of these things, if you were in DC on January 6, 2021:

  • Footage of Trump pigs NOT CURRENTLY being insurrectionist seditionist terrorists. Please, no selfies. Just footage of people standing around January 6 being non-insurrection-y is fine.
  • Footage of Trump pigs "helping police." So if a Proud Boy you know helped a little old police-lady cross the street that day ...
  • "Antifa, BLM, or other agitators antagonizing the crowd." Nobody's seen footage of this yet, but if you have some!
  • "Police wrongdoing or unusual behavior out of the ordinary for a police officer." Because now they care about police misbehavior, when they go after inbred white conservatives.
  • He wants footage of the shooting of Ashli Babbitt, which is weird because we've all seen that.
  • "Footage of police beating or antagonizing Trump supporters." OK, buddy.
  • Something about "the beating of Rosanne Boyland." We assume this is some wingnut conspiracy theory and we don't feel like googling and learning about it right now. Sorry.
  • "Anything else you may have which could help." That's right, anything. “Even people laughing and having a good time will help." Some of those white supremacist pigs did look like they were having a good time.

So that letter is pretty great, and that lawyer is definitely a powerhouse, as you can see.

After that, Gateway Pundit includes a long babbling statement where the lawyer explains that he went to military school with Trump and Trump was nice to him and "Donald Trump is the most innocent person I have ever defended." And then there's a whole lot more babbling about how Trump was framed and Trump's supporters were framed and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. We couldn't get through it, it wasn't compelling.

These dumbasses remember how the terrorist attack Trump incited was broadcast on live TV, right?

And how the House January 6 Select Committee and the team for Trump's second impeachment put together long and detailed videos of his angry pigs terrorizing Congress and the Capitol Police?

Do they think some judge is going to watch some five-minute knockoff video this lawyer puts together, of Capitol terrorists sucking each other's balls while they sing Kumbaya to Jesus, and be like "Oh it turns out there wasn't a Capitol attack that day"?

Come on, now.

Funny letter, though, would read again.

[Gateway Pundit]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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