He looked so happy.

Jeff Sessions got an erection today. It had been a while. As we expected, Donald Trump dispatched the hayseed racist attorney general from the Confederate States of America to announce they will "wind down" the DACA program for undocumented children brought here illegally by their parents, giving Congress six months to fix it, and giving almost 800,000 innocent DREAMers six months to prepare to go back to their own countries, which is weird, since America is the only country most of them have ever known.

Watch as Sessions pulls his white hood off to 'splain us how fucking these people over is the "compassionate" thing to do:

Sessions claimed, baselessly, that the DACA program led to a surge of unaccompanied minors at the border, which is funny since DACA doesn't remotely apply to those people. Of course, Trump and Sessions are only doing this for their base of cousin-romancing white supremacists, and those people won't be swayed by simple facts like that. Sessions said DACA beneficiaries took away precious American jobs, another lie he pulled out his ass. And he said Barack Obama's executive action on DACA was "unconstitutional," which is weird, because if executive actions involving immigration are unconstitutional, then how about Trump's constant attempts to ban Muslims through executive fiat? We look forward to Trump supporters explaining how this is different because "reasons." (Racism reasons.)

Want more lies from Sessions? Here's the letter he sent to Homeland Security:

To be clear, DACA beneficiaries are the exact kind of immigrants the white nationalists in the White House (unconvincingly) say they want in America. 97% are either employed or in school, and a higher percentage of them have college degrees than the general American public.

Buzzfeed notes that this "wind-down" of DACA is Sessions's little pig turd baby (and Stephen Miller's baby and Steve Bannon's baby) and quotes a White House official who said Sessions had put Trump "in a box," since he was just flat dang unwillin' to defend the policy in court. The New York Times reports that Trump had been looking for "a way out" of taking this action, and adds, unbelievably, that "as late as one hour before" Sessions's statement, White House people were worried "Mr. Trump might not fully grasp the details of the steps he was about to take, and when he discovered their full impact, he would change his mind." This is what happens when you elect a barely sentient child who lives inside a flabby orange senior citizen's body as your president.

To be clear, all Trump wanted was to get out of being blamed for the fallout from this fulfillment of one of his most hateful campaign promises. It had nothing to do with his "feelings" about DACA immigrants, even though he said many times that "we love the DREAMers" and that he wanted to deal with them with "heart." (Read more on that here from Josh Marshall.)

What is bugfuck amazing about this, especially coming from a president who enjoys approval ratings only slightly higher than cat shit, is that literally NOBODY WANTS THIS. (Nobody who matters or contributes to the American economy in any meaningful way, anyway.) Over 75% of Americans support DACA, including TWO THIRDS OF TRUMP VOTERS, as Philip Bump reports in the Washington Post. Over 400 business leaders told Trump to keep his tiny paws off DACA, too.

So let's be clear about what just happened: This was a love letter from Trump and Sessions to the Nazis and white supremacists who marched through Charlottesville with tiki torches, some of whom Trump reminded us were just lovely folks.

Let's see how Breitbart's Deplorable in the White House reacted:

So, where does it go from here? Well, maybe Congress will act! Our GOP-led Congress is so very good at getting things done, after all! And maybe Trump will sign a thing, if Congress sends him something! Or maybe Trump will hold it hostage if Congress fails to give him the funding for his stupid fucking ineffective ugly ass border wall. Who can say!

The Washington Post has a good explainer on how this "six-month wind-down" affects DREAMers immediately, and the short version is that six months from today, March 5, 2018, most of them are screwed.

So how evil was this little stunt? So fucking evil. Conservative columnist Jennifer Rubin says it's Trump's most evil act so far. Josh Marshall says this is the equivalent of Trump and Sessions kicking DREAMers out of a plane at 10,000 feet and saying they hope Paul Ryan catches them.

If you want to fight back, check out the DREAM Act Toolkit, which identifies key swing votes in Congress and offers tools to get the message to them that, on top of being cruel and terrible and evil, this action will fuck the American economy right up. It even has handy images for you to tweet at them, that show exactly how much money those folks' states stand to lose if DACA goes away forever:

So feel free to harass the shit out of them on Twitter! If you see your congressman or senator on the list, CALL THEM. Also, sign this petition demanding the GOP to allow a clean vote on the DREAM Act right the hell now.

Whatever you do, do something. This is not about "immigration policy" or the Constitution or anything else. This is ethnic cleansing, pure and simple, and it's happening IN AMERICA.

Anyway, but her emails, though.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like you! If you love us, click below to pay us!

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc