Trump And Newt Gingrich Tease 'Contract With America' Sequel, Because 'Contracts' Are Totally Trump's Bag

2022 midterms
Implosion of Trump Plaza hotel and casino Atlantic City, February 17, 2021

In his house at Mar-a-Lago, politically dead Donald Trump waits dreaming, also feasting on burned steak and being visited by a stream of supplicants like the pashas of old. And he's reportedly "working" on an update to that classic 1994 work of political fiction the "Contract With America," which allegedly led to the Republicans' taking over the House in that year's midterms. Or maybe that win had more to do with the rise of the Newt Gingrich/Frank Luntz lie machine, which taught Republicans to Always Be Smearing, by associating Democrats with terms like "anti-flag," "corrupt," "devour," "bizarre," "hypocrisy," "liberal," "sick," and "traitors."

In any case, Politico reports with a straight face, Donald Trump himself "has begun crafting a policy agenda outlining a MAGA doctrine for the party," as if Trump has ever written anything more complex than a tweet. This cunning plan is supposedly based on the Contract With America, Politico tells us, and what's more, Trump has enlisted the great man himself — we mean Newt Gingrich of course! — to help. In other words, to do it, or at least share some credit with Trump for whatever a bunch of flunkies eventually come up with.


Politico seems entirely willing to believe whatever some insider claims is a very serious project to write up a new version of the mythic document. You can tell this is top-level inside dope. The document is

likely to take an "America-First" policy approach on everything from trade to immigration. The source described it as "a policy priority for 2022 and beyond."

America first? Immigration? Trade wars? Who'd have guessed!

The single most hilarious line arrives after the piece says Trump wants to leave a legacy in the GOP, at least beyond holding court at his Florida trash palace, fundraising, and endorsing candidates. This plan for some kind of policy document, Politico says, "also suggests that Trump still feels the need to move the party in his direction, at least intellectually."

Ah yes, The Intellectual Foundations of Trumpism will no doubt be one of the slimmest volumes ever, right up there with The Wit of Calvin Coolidge and The Political Courage of Marco Rubio.

To be sure, Politico concedes in an understatement that might just be fucking with us, "Detailed policy planks have never been the most notable feature of Trump's political appeal, nor has he regularly followed through on promised policy initiatives." For that reason, it "remains to be seen" what an updated Contract will look like, if there even is one.

We bet we can guess. It'll be like any other Trump document, hastily thrown together at the last minute, and possibly just a verbatim re-issue of the 1994 original, with 50-50 odds on whether Team Trump remembers to change all the mentions of Bill Clinton to Joe Biden.

Despite the uncertainty, Gingrich was generously willing to share what he emphasized would be a very positive outlook, for at least for the first two items he listed:

"It should be positive," Gingrich said. "School choice, teaching American history for real, abolishing the '1619 Project,' eliminating critical race theory and what the Texas legislature is doing. We should say, 'Bring it on.'"

One might say those are actually some fairly negative things, or even just four variations on one thing, but culture wars and stirring shit is always a positive for these birds, so let's not nitpick too much.

The Politico piece is also good for at least a rueful chuckle at the notion that "working on" a policy statement would get Trump focused on the future, instead of just stewing over his Big Bucket o' Grievances. Still, an unnamed Trump spokesperson was willing to insist that Trump Can't Keep Thinkin' About Tomorrow, even if none of the great things that will be in the updated Contract can be revealed just yet. The spox explained that it will, or may, come out in some eventual period of time.

Policy talks are still in their infancy and it's premature to project exactly what this will look like, who all will be participating in the effort and when something may be released.

Let's just assume it'll be "two weeks." And that it will include a beautiful healthcare plan that will cover all Americans at lower cost, or at least a promise that one will soon be on the way, maybe by the weekend.

[Politico / Rolling Stone]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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