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Photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0

Everyone's all a-twitter today about Mitt Romney's great big dinner of crow at Trump International Hotel in New York Tuesday. Does it mean Trump's going to offer Romney the job as secretary of state, so the Haired One can say there's at least one relatively sane person in his administration? Has Mitt forgotten all those nasty things he said about Trump during the campaign? Is Donald Trump seriously putting together a "team of rivals," for the good of America? Was there a powerful, exotic mind control agent in the scallops? No one knows for sure, although the little glowing bulb on his head and his repeated utterances of "I will do what Donald says" have not yet been adequately explained.


Both the Trumposphere and Romney's vocalization synthesis processor are putting a nice, amiable spin on the dinner, which Reince Priebus joined as well, although he appears to have been there mostly as a conveniently sized mass to be placed between Trump and Romney if necessary. After the dinner, Romney said,

I happen to think that America's best days are ahead of us [...] And what I've seen through these discussions I've had with President-elect Trump, as well as what we've seen in his speech the night of his victory, as well as the people he's selected as part of his transition, all of those things combined give me increasing hope that President-elect Trump is the very man who can lead us to that better future.

Romney then paused, blinked, and asked if anyone would like him to sing "Daisy," which was taught to him by his programmers at HAL Laboratories in Urbana, Illinois.

Trump campaign spokesperson Jason Miller told "Fox & Friends" Wednesday that Trump had "a very good dinner with Mitt Romney last night," and that there are no hard feelings, because after all, the campaign is all over now:

Admittedly, they've been on opposite sides of some of these political issues and some of the battles in the primary. But that also goes to the president-elect and the fact he's putting together, even rivals, to put together this team that can go forward[.]

Miller added that the two had "good chemistry," another comment which could be taken to indicate mind-altering substances were used on the 2012 Republican nominee.

As to whether Romney will actually be offered the secretary of state position, Yr Wonkette is less than convinced. While it would definitely add a certain amount of gravitas -- or at least as much gravitas as Romney can simulate -- to an administration that so far appears to be operating without adult supervision, we suspect Donald Trump's deep need for revenge may undercut his desire to bring on someone who at least knows which fork to use. Our guess is that over the next couple weeks, Trump and company will continue to dangle the job before Romney, if only to see how much they can get him to grovel.

Maybe they can get Mitt to say on camera he doesn't think Russia's all that bad, for instance. Then, once they've completely broken him, Rudy Giuliani will sweep into the room wearing a tiara and sash, kick Mitt in the nuts, and say, "You really thought you had a chance?" Then all the Trumpers will laugh and laugh and laugh as Mitt hobbles out to the lobby of Trump Tower and says he had a productive meeting.

[The Hill / Salon / Mediaite / Photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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