Trump Appoints Illuminati Mind Power Warrior Magic Expert To Education Board
We can no longer say that Donald Trump has never done anything for us. Why? Because he has given us the gift of appointing one George Mentz to the Commission on Presidential Scholars, a board that selects and honors 161 Presidential Scholars from across the country.
Why is this such a beautiful gift, you ask? Well, I think we all know that anyone Trump appoints is going to be terrible. He does not pick the best people, for anything. He picks the worst people, for everything. And you can be assured that George Mentz is, indeed, also the worst. But he is also a purveyor of some of the most hilarious batshittery I have ever seen in my life — and heck, if everyone Trump is going to appoint to everything is terrible, the least we can ask for is some quality entertainment.
Let's start with his books. Mentz writes Illuminati self-help books. Now, traditionally, we think of Trumpists and right-wingers as people who freak out about the Illuminati, but not Mentz. No! He writes books about harnessing the magical thought powers of the Illuminati, or something to that effect, in order to become super rich. The titles of these books are, predictably, absolutely goddamned incredible:
The Illuminati Secret Laws of Money — The Wealth Mindset Manifesto
It Works: The Greatest Success Book to Think and Grow Rich with the Power of Your Subconscious Mind
Mentz, a Trump donor, also wrote such classics as "100 Secrets & Habits of the Illuminati for Life Success: The Art of the Highly Effective Badass The Path to Extreme Illumination and the Secret Rules of Crushing It," "Banned Success Secrets of Human Potential: Manifesting Abundance for Mindful Warriors," and "The Illuminati Secret Laws of Money - The Wealth Mindset Manifesto: The Life Changing Magic and Habits of Spiritual Mastery."
In "Success Magic — The Prosperity Secret to Win With Magical Spiritual Power: How to Grow Rich, Influence People, Protect Your Mindset and Love Yourself Like a Warrior Using Timeless Abundance Secrets," Mentz wrote "When a person stops struggling and initiates ALCHEMY OR MAGIC, SOMETHING HAPPENS."
This is just true. Why, just the other day I took a deep breath, relaxed, and all of a sudden a lead pipe turned into gold.
Several of the books on Mentz's author page actually show someone named "Magus Incognito" as the author on the cover of the actual book, with Mentz listed as a co-author. And vice versa! There are books with Mentz's name on the cover, with Magus Incognito listed as a co-author.
The Illuminati Handbook – The Path of Illumination and Ascension: The Testament of the Mystical Order and The Secret Teachings That Make Them Great
Turns out, Magus Incognito was one of the many pseudonyms used by William Walker Atkinson, a New Age weirdo from Baltimore who died in 1932 and also wrote a ton of incredibly bizarre-sounding books. Atkinson was part of a larger 19th Century self-help woo movement called "New Thought." Magus Incognito was not Atkinson's only pseudonym, either. He also wrote books under the names Yogi Ramacharaka, Swami Bhakta Vishita, and Theron Q. Dumont (who was supposed to be a French "Instructor on the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism").
Unsurprisingly, Mentz also authored a biography of Atkinson, and wrote several "lost books" of Wallace Wattles, another proponent of the New Thought movement, and made another one of his pseudonyms "Prof. C. Wattles Haanel Mentz." What I'm gathering from this is that he writes books both as himself and as obscure 19th Century kooks. Incredible!
Now, before I dare start looking into the soured relationship between Phineas Quimby, the originator of the New Thought movement, and Mary Baker Eddy, the crackpot who invented Christian Science (because I will be in that hole all day), let us move on to some of Mentz's other activities.
In addition to self-publishing approximately 80,000 books (nearly all of which are free or 99 cents on Kindle), Mentz also writes op-eds for the conservative outlet Newsmax, which just goes to show you the high publishing standards they have over there. According to his website, he is also "the first person in the United States to be multi-credentialed as a Lawyer, MBA, Qualified Financial Planner, Certified Financial Consultant, Chartered Management Consultant, and Registered/Licensed Financial Planner." And what is Orly Taitz, chopped liver?
While this sounds impressive, Mentz also owns the Global Academy of Finance and Management in Colorado Springs, and was the former CEO of the American Academy of Financial Management —two extremely scammy-sounding companies, both of which have been known to dole out "certifications" to anyone who wants them. Including, it seems, himself.
Via Denver Post:
Both companies award certifications, allowing applicants to add an alphabet soup of titles after their names. For a fee, you can become an accredited life coach, a certified political scientist, a master Islamic financial specialist or more than a hundred other titles. Having such a certification "makes you one of the next generation of global leaders," according to a message from Mentz on the GAFM website.
A Wall Street Journal article in 2004 found AAFM awarded certifications to applicants who had never taken a course and, in some cases, had not taken a test to prove they knew the topic at hand. In 2010, another Wall Street Journal article found several people listed on AAFM's board of advisers had never advised the company and were unaware the company was claiming them as an adviser.
So basically it's like the Universal Life Church, except instead of becoming a Minister, you can be a "Certified Anti-Money Laundering Officer." I don't know how much it costs to get one of these certifications, but as far as cons go, I'm impressed. Way less effort than trying to sell people land in Florida or convincing them you're a Nigerian Prince, and far less likely to result in jail time.
This is just a small appointment, but given Trump's terrible taste in human beings and the way he goes through cabinet members, he could replace Betsy DeVos in the Department of Education by the end of the month. Perhaps Illuminati Secret Mind Power Alchemy Warrior Magic does work after all!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse