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still the president somehow


President Thing is back at "work" after a week and a half of Christmas golfing at Mar-a-Lago, and when we say "work," we obviously mean humping his very presidential pillow with whatever's left of his decrepit morning wood while he watches "Fox & Friends" and bitches on Twitter about whatever "Fox & Friends" tells him to bitch about:

Welcome to your new year, America!

There is so much to unpack here, and we are already fresh out of fucks to give about whatever that shithead has to say in the year of our Lord 2018, so we will try to make our barely awake thoughts about this tweet brief:

  • The word is "aide," Donald. "Aide." The "e" is silent, like Melania.
  • Huma? The fuck are we talking about Huma for?
  • Turns out The Daily Caller posted some bullshit, which was then "reported" Tuesday on "Fox & Friends," about how Huma Abedin shared state secrets with her Yahoo email account or something, and then Yahoo got hacked, and this DEFINITELY OBVIOUSLY FOR 100% SURE means Abedin shared our deepest darkest secrets with foreign powers and should get the old "LOCK HER UP" treatment, mmhmm you betcha.
  • We sure are glad Hillary Clinton didn't win the presidency, otherwise Huma mighta been all up in the Oval Office like "Yo my Russian pals, here is some top secret intel from Israel for you to share with Iran, Israel's mortal enemy!" Oh wait, Donald Trump did that. It was really fuckin' bad.
  • How is this different from members of Trump's own family who also are West Wing employees using private email? We gonna lock Ivanka 'n' Jared up too?
  • It sure is bad that the Deep State Justice Department, which is led by Trump appointees, is falling down on the job by failing to lock Huma Abedin up for the "crimes" Trump imagines she committed, now that "Fox & Friends" was nice enough to whisper in his ear about them while he was doing his morning grunt poops.
  • WHAT THE FUCK DID COMEY DO? Oh yeah, that's right, Comey wouldn't obstruct justice for President Dachschund Farts, and he leaked his very own unclassified memos to his friend after he was fired for that disloyalty.

OK, that is enough thoughts, because fuck this. Here is a tweet from a former federal prosecutor and all-around expert at law, explaining why Happy New Year, Donald Trump, Please Shut Up:

Only 308 days left until the midterms. Eyes on the prize, y'all.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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