Back in the olden days of 2018, Donald Trump and his sycophantic toadies in the GOP liked to demand that then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions appoint a second special counsel to look into whatever Trump was hallucinating about that day. (SPYING! ON HIS CAMPAIGN! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!)

Tuesday morning, Trump was back at it. Because Rudy Giuliani says there's a laptop that may or may not have ever belonged to Hunter Biden in a state Hunter Biden doesn't live in that's full of TOTALLY LEGIT HUNTER SECRETS, including one where he allegedly promised a political hookup for his Ukrainian bosses with his dad, who was then the vice president. And maybe it has some other stuff on it, too! Like maybe some MP3s and whatever Russian military intelligence planted on it! It's almost certainly and wholly a Russian false flag bullshit op, according to everyone without a personal stake in lying about it. (Not looking at you, Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe!)

On "Fox & Friends," Trump BEGGED Attorney General Bill Barr to appoint a special counsel, after being prodded to do so by the asslicker from Fox, who baselessly claimed facts from THE LAPTOP are actually being "confirmed." (They are not.)


TRUMP: We've gotta get the attorney general to act. He's gotta act. And he's gotta act fast. He's gotta appoint somebody. This is major corruption, and this has to be known about before the election.

LOL OK.

"Major corruption" that "has to be known about before the election." Wait, about what? A private citizen named Hunter Biden, who ALLEGEDLY left his house in California to take his water-damaged email laptop to the nearest computer fixer in Delaware, ALLEGEDLY, at which point he left it there forever until it was magically discovered just a few weeks before the election? And this requires a "special counsel"?

Sure, buddy. Keep smoking whatever you find at the bottom of Rudy Giuliani's butterscotch bowl.

So anyway, Donald Trump would like Bill Barr to do him a favor, though. To Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy Trump asked for a "favor though," which was that he wanted Zelenskyy to announce investigations into the Bidens and Burisma. To Barr, he is demanding ... SAME.

Will Bill Barr do it? Will he appoint a special counsel to look into Rudy Giuliani's Russian hallucinations, just like he appointed US attorneys to investigate the investigators of everything else?

Actually, that's unclear. It's not that Barr has a soul or a respect for the oath he took. But Trump has spent the last month abusing Barr, as Barr's various uNmaSK the INvesGATORS! clownshow probes have fallen apart. The Durham investigation on the origins of the Russia probe appears to be dead. The unmaskings investigation went nowhere.

Also, Barr's DOJ just indicted Russian military intelligence hackers for doing in France in 2017 pretty much exactly what it seems they're doing in 2020 for Trump, October Surprise-style email forgeries and all. Is that related? We don't know.

If Barr refuses, we can be sure it's not for patriotic reasons, but because the universal disapprobation he's received from literally everyone in his field — in which he thinks he is a LION — has really stung him, and he's moved on to self-preservation and licking his jowly wounds.

Here we are, though. Donald Trump just really is saying the quiet part loud again, and as Greg Sargent notes in the Washington Post, he sounds totally fucking desperate.

Thirteen more days.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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