Roy Moore Is BACK, BABY, And *Don Trump Jr.* Is Voice Of Reason
When Donald Trump looks at the Senate these days, he only really sees prospective "jurors" -- and he can't risk losing an acquittal vote. Susan Collins or Mitt Romney are in a perpetual state of "deep concern" but are still reliably in his pocket. So he's rightly concerned about Alabama Senator Doug Jones. If Trump were ever actually impeached, Jones would likely call upon all his legal training to look at the "evidence" and "facts," and that's no good for the president.
Most people figured Jones was vulnerable in 2020 because it's Alabama and it's not like Republicans would literally nominate Roy Moore again. The mall-cruising pervert and racist creep was so awful black Alabamans left the secure locations where they hide from white people and came out in force to deliver Jones an unprecedented victory. However, Moore is eager to walk into the electoral rake again, so Trump took to Twitter this morning to beg him to stand down.
Trump makes it clear that he has NOTHING against Moore, who was accused of gross behavior with teenage girls. We guess Trump likes (alleged) sexual predators as much as he does deranged despots. This, along with the crap fast food, is why you shouldn't attend one of his dinner parties. Trump wanted Moore to win but he's lost faith in Alabama's ability to elect assholes or effectively keep black people from voting. Just next door, Georgia managed to do both and Trump probably couldn't be prouder.
It's just so farcical that Donald Freaking Trump has rebranded himself to racists and/or religious hypocrites as a social conservative crusader. Jones called Alabama's terrible new anti-abortion law "shameful," and unlike Joe Manchin, he also voted against Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation to the Supreme Court. Jones is a sore spot for Trump. He's serving out the remainder of a Senate term Jeff Sessions vacated to become Trump's first awful attorney general and Twitter punching bag. Trump probably wishes he'd just left Sessions in Alabama and gotten a Bill Barr flunky from the start. Then he wouldn't have lost the seat to a Democrat.
Alabama Rep. Bradley Byrne is the candidate most Republicans would prefer to see challenge Jones next year. Byrne's chances are good because he's a Republican who's never been banned from a shopping mall. Byrne graciously welcomed Moore to the race but stressed that he doesn't think he can win the primary.
BYRNE: I think people are very concerned that we Republicans lost a US Senate seat because he was our nominee in 2017 and we don't need to do that again.
This led Moore to accuse Byrne of reverse psychology: See, Byrne claims Moore can't win the primary because he actually can win the primary and general election. It took Donald Trump Jr. of all people to point out the obvious logical fallacies of this argument, which ... we mean ... damn.
Moore wondered why everyone is "so worried" about his candidacy. He thinks this is because he's an anti-establishment maverick or some crap, but Republicans are probably more concerned that Moore could actually win the primary again. It reminds us of when Trump was racking up victories in the 2016 GOP primary. Republican pundits and insiders believed that if Trump actually won, he'd lose big in the general, and that's sort of what happened if you go by a vote counting model. Unfortunately for the GOP, the Electoral College doesn't determine the Senate race winner. Moore will have to get more votes than Jones and he's already come up short once. This isn't a boxing rematch where he just needs to train harder while listening to "Eye of the Tiger." Malls might vanish but Moore's personal baggage never will.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.