Trump Bitching About Melania's Mar-a-Lago Renovations Now, LOL @ His Misery

Trump Bitching About Melania's Mar-a-Lago Renovations Now, LOL @ His Misery

Saddest news, everyone. Donald Trump is not just upset about being the biggest loser to ever lose the presidency to Joe Biden, who beat him really hard. He is also upset about the renovations his wife Melon is doing at Mar-a-Lago, the place where he wants to live but may not be able to live in a few weeks when he becomes America's Most Loser Ex-President. (Why might he not be able to live there? Because of a thing about how Mar-a-Lago is supposed to be a private club, not a residence for a whining shitmouth. Also maybe New York Attorney General Letitia James might have him arrested LOLOLOL.)

Anyway, Melon is known for her shitty taste in #things, like have you seen her Christmas hellhouse displays? But Donald is also known for his EXTREMELY GODAWFUL TACKY NEW MONEY taste in #things. The fact that he owns Marjorie Merriweather Post's old house in the first place is appalling.

Point is, it's OK to root against both parties here, because they're both trash.

So are Melon's decorations, which according to CNN are definitely hers and her interior designer's, and Donald knows that fact, actually terrible? Well, CNN says "white marble and an abundance of dark wood" were involved, which sounds like it might not be tacky! Of course, it might also involve bleeding dolls' heads, SO.


On the other hand, it is also possible Donald just hates it because none of the exposed beams have golden toilets hanging from them, and therefore it is ugly to him.

What's funny is that CNN is literally reporting that Old Whineass has been MAD about this, just bitching about it over the holidays.

"He was not happy with it," said the source, who noted several loud, one-sided conversations with club management almost immediately ensued.

He wasn't just mad, reportedly. He HEREBY ORDERED the new things removed! Finally, a Trump order somebody actually has to follow!

CNN says Trump also really hated the renos Melon did at Camp David recently. We admit we don't know how "rustic country retreat" would meld with her "shadow of the valley of Death" aesthetic. We're imagining a mountain path with bloody axes hanging from trees, lined with strategically placed carcasses, but maybe she did something different.

Anyway, apparently he spent some time bitching about that at Thanksgiving, which ... why were there new renos happening at Camp David before Thanksgiving? Did Melon think her loser husband was going to win the election? OK.

In summary and in conclusion, all Donald Trump does is bitch and moan, and while we rejoice in his displeasure, we rejoice more in the fact that in just a few weeks, we won't have to listen to it.

The end.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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