Photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0

Joe Biden is ahead of Donald Trump in the polls — including Texas (tee hee!). Now, he's lapping President Klan Robe in fundraising. Biden's campaign brought in more than $141 million in June, a full $10 million more than Trump's ragamuffin operation. Handsome Joe likely benefitted from the virtual fundraisers Barack Obama, Kamala Harris, and Elizabeth Warren held last month.

Trump has more cash on hand right now, but the vice president has either tied or exceeded Trump's efforts since becoming the presumptive nominee in April. Biden's average online donation was $34, and his campaign said 68 percent of all donors were newly malarkey free.

Brad Parscale, Trump's campaign manager and organizer of his Empty Seat Convention in Tulsa, Oklahoma, still insists there's no “enthusiasm" for the Democratic nominee.

"No one is excited about Joe Biden, which is why he has to rely so heavily on surrogates like Barack Obama and radical Hollywood elites."

There's evidence that Team Trump is worried about its cash flow, because the campaign's fundraising emails have a growing air of desperation. This one from Eric Trump is rude and hectoring.

God, these people are idiots. It's a period of record-high unemployment, but they're sending messages marked “Final Notice" like they're the power company. Trump's gonna shut off his supporter's electricity unless they pay up now! He's a crappy president and an absentee landlord.

Parscale scoffed at the “radical Hollywood elites" filling Biden's coffers, but Trump fundraises like he's a movie star and his supporters are members of his fan club. No one dares tell him that his best days are behind him and he's lucky to get booked on an infomercial. “We've begged you repeatedly to join our oh-so prestigious group" rings hollow, like the space where Trump's soul should be.

Eric Trump tells supporters, “My father is counting on YOU ... Don't let him down," because all that matters is serving fearless leader. He doesn't offer any reason to contribute to Trump's re-election. He also exhibits zero empathy and consideration for the morons who gave their hard-earned money to the billionaire (?) who was supposed to fund his own campaign. There's no recognition that people might've lost their jobs in the past few months, thanks to the pandemic that Trump managed with his usual malicious incompetence.

Townhall columnist Kurt Schlichter didn't appreciate the campaign's fundraising "tone," and he's the kind of guy who calls teachers "lazy and/or cowardly" for not wanting to report to work during a pandemic. Ah, but Parscale says it's not his fault!

Yes, Schlichter is a retired colonel! No, he is not the colonel of Brad Parscale. If Trump loses the asshole demo, he doesn't have a viable path to re-election.

This is, of course, a stark change from how the Biden campaign appeals to potential donors.

Oh, don't feel bad about asking, Joe! We understand!

Biden doesn't berate us or send us on a no-expenses-paid guilt trip. He is humble enough to understand that he has to make his case. He's not entitled to our money.


This is auto-generated, but I'd like to think we could be friends.

You've heard me say this before, but one of the parts of running for president that I enjoy the least is asking for money.

Especially right now, as there are so many charities, health organizations, and important advocacy groups who deserve it. And the needs of yourself and your family have never been more important.

Hey, it's as if he knows that I'm a human being, worthy of respect, and not just a human ATM or a source of narcissistic supply.

I know we ask for contributions a lot, but the support and generosity from this grassroots team is the only way that we are going to defeat Donald Trump.

And that's the truth.

Those last four words are what no one associated with Trump can say without bursting into flame.

Biden's campaign manager Jen O'Malley Dillon, who'll have a job next year or even next month, said, "It's clear that voters are looking for steady leadership, experience, empathy, compassion, and character – and they'll find all of these qualities in Vice President Joe Biden."

Trump and his tacky-ass campaign continue to prove Dillon's point.

Donate to the Eject Trump fund here.

[USA Today]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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