Trump Campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski Goes To Jail, For Being A Dick

Just look at this sweetheart, wouldn't hurt a fly

Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, human spleen, has turned himself in on misdemeanor battery charges for misdemeanor-battering a gal Breitbart reporter for having the temerity to exist in his field of vision. Despite Lewandowski's insistence that he could not have grabbed Michelle Fields -- whom he called a known attention-seeker and hysteric -- so hard he left bruises because he had never been formally introduced to her, and Donald Trump's insistence that we weren't seeing what we were seeing, with our eyeballs, on video, the police in Jupiter, Florida, unaccountably disagreed.

The battery on Fields was witnessed by Washington Post reporter Ben Terris and about a million video cameras, so as various partial views of the assault and battery trickled in, Breitbart-watchers were treated to the rightwing "news" website's increasingly feeble attempts to "support" their reporter by saying "we support her" while simultaneously licking Donald Trump's magnificent bunghole. They did not thread that needle particularly well, and Fields, along with a good portion of the Breitbart staff, including boy horcrux Ben Shapiro, resigned quite loudly.

Lewandowsi, a known thug, has retained the loud and vocal support of the Trump campaign, including spokeswoman Hope Hicks (an increasingly Baghdad Bob-style character) and Trump himself, who likes his "passion" (for beating up protesters and apparently girls).


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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