Trump Warms Self Over Yule Log Of Republican Senator Bones
Last night, Donald Trump blew up the stimulus, pardoned a bunch of war criminals and corrupt congressmen, and put a political hit out on the Senate's second-ranking Republican. Because we've got 28 days until Joe Biden's inauguration, and that lunatic is going to make each and every one of them a nightmare.
"Trump is lashing out, and everyone is in the blast zone," Axios's Jonathan Swan wrote. "At this point, if you're not in the 'use the Department of Homeland Security or the military to impound voting machines' camp, the president considers you weak and beneath contempt."
The plan is to force the entire GOP to pass one last loyalty test to prove that Trump will still control the Republican Party even when he's out of office. It's being spearheaded in the House by Rep.-elect Marjorie Taylor Greene, that Q-loon from Georgia who's about to make Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy wish he'd never been born.
After a long phone call with the president on Saturday, Taylor Greene and the rest of the derp squad — Reps. Gaetz, Gohmert, Jordan, Brooks, and more! — were at the White House Monday night planning which states' electoral college totals they'll be objecting to when the House convenes on Jan. 6 to certify the presidential election. Safe bet they'll throw maximum sand in the gears by objecting to Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin.
"Get a lot of sleep," Brooks yelled to his fellow traveler Rep. Debbie Lesko on Monday night. "Because it's going to be a looooong Jan. 6."
After the Republicans' anti-democracy interpretative dance fails to carry the House, it will go to the Senate, where it will run right into the cold, hard reality of Mitch McConnell's iron gavel. With the possible exception of incoming Alabama senator Tommy Tuberville, no one wants this. Even if the entire GOP voted to disregard the will of the voters, which they absolutely will not, the failure to carry the House means that Biden's victory would still be certified. (See Forbes on the question here.) The entire exercise is a pointless demonstration of fealty to a guy who is on his way out the door, one last chance for Republicans to shout THE EMPEROR'S CLOTHES ARE REAL, AND THEY ARE FABULOUS.
"I don't know that anyone is committed to doing it," Senate Majority Whip John Thune told Bloomberg Monday. "But the thing they've got to remember is, it's just not going anywhere. It's going down like a shot dog. And I just don't think it makes a lot of sense to put everybody through this when you know what the ultimate outcome is going to be."
Interesting analogy aside, he's not wrong. Even if the House Treason Caucus manages to pass the crazy baton off to Tuberville and some jackass like John Kennedy or Ted Cruz, the majority of Senate Republicans are going to vote against any Electoral College challenge. The only effect this will have is to force the entire caucus to walk the plank and publicly cross Donald Trump, which is why that vengeful old fool is trying to make it as expensive as possible for them.
Republicans in the Senate so quickly forget. Right now they would be down 8 seats without my backing them in the la… https://t.co/XgaCV0IqAm— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1608684883.0
This was a followup to a message yesterday where he claimed credit for Mitch McConnell's victory over Amy McGrath. "SADLY MITCH FORGOT. HE WAS THE FIRST ONE OFF THE SHIP!"
Here on Planet Earth, Mitch McConnell was never in any danger, and John Thune took 71 percent of the vote in South Dakota in 2016. Which was a slightly worse margin of victory than he pulled down in 2010, when he faced no Democratic challenger and racked up 100 percent. Even Kristi Noem took a break from singing MAGA carols to say NFW.
.@johnthune is a friend of mine, and I will not be challenging him. I’m honored to be Governor of South Dakota and… https://t.co/2nOkHhXp5m— Kristi Noem (@Kristi Noem) 1608689100.0
But Grandpa Loonytunes was undeterred, giving a 14-minute speech so full of nutbaggery that CNN's indefatigable fact-checker Daniel Dale deemed it "too bonkers, repetitive and irrelevant to bother fact checking at this point." The president ended the rant by exhorting Congress to "send me a suitable bill or else the next administration will have to deliver a COVID-19 relief package, and maybe that administration will be me, and we will get it done."
Spoiler Alert: It will not be him, but he will burn everything down on his way out of town. Merry Christmas, Gippers!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.