Donald Trump Sad He Can't Play Fancy Woman Card™, Hypnotize Voters With His Vagina

Donald Trump is not about to back down from his comments earlier this week about how Hillary Clinton would not get 5% of the vote were she not carrying the Woman Card™ -- in fact, he's going even further! In an interview on Thursday's Today Show, he doubled down, insisting he was only "stating the obvious" and that “without the woman’s card Hillary would not even be a viable person to run for city council positions.”
When asked by Matt Lauer if he "even cared" that 70 percent of women have an unfavorable view of him, Trump explained that he did care, stating "Nobody respects women more than I do." Sure! If by "respect" you mean constantly insulting their appearance and also suggesting that when they cross you that they must be on their periods. I mean, it's not like he doesn't care about women at all. He does own a beauty pageant. He totally respects the right of women to twirl batons and sashay around a stage in a sequined gown.
Host Samantha Guthrie asked him if perhaps he could see why people thought it might be a tad demeaning to suggest that “the only thing she has going for her is that she was a woman, not that she was a former senator, former secretary of state and lawyer.” Trump's response? “I find it to be a true comment. I think the only thing she has got going is she’s a woman. She has done a terrible job in so many different ways.”
This is all very interesting! Especially in light of the fact that only 19.4 percent of Congressional seats are held by women! 25.2 percent of State House/Assembly positions are held by women, and that is literally the highest percentage of women in any type of office in this country whatsoever! If our Woman Cards™ entitle us to breeze on up to the highest office in the land despite being totally unqualified, why do we not occupy ALL of the offices? There are lots of people out there who have being a woman going for them! In fact, about 51% of the entire population! What gives? Why am I not president right now?
Also, if Woman Cards™ reel in the votes then why did Carly Fiorina not do so well? Or, for that matter, Shirley Chisholm or Carole Moseley Braun?
Of course, Trump supporters think he has a real good shot at winning the election, despite what literally all of the poll numbers say, and are certain that he will do very well debating against her. Bob Sutton, who is the chairman of the Broward County GOP Executive Committee in Florida and a fellow respecter of women, politely noted that “I think when Donald Trump debates Hillary Clinton she’s going to go down like Monica Lewinsky.”
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse