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Boy howdy, Robert Mueller didn't have to interview Donald Trump after all! He just had to keep living rent-free in Trump's head (apparently he and LeBron James are roommates inside there? Weird, but OK).

Trump was maxin' and relaxin' all cool at his Bedminster resort, where he likes to clear his head and get away from the cares of the everyday world. Apparently he also likes to clear his conscience when he's there:


Wait, this was a meeting FOR WHY? (Forget the part about "I did not know about it!" because of fucking course he knew about it.) This was "to get information on an opponent"? But we thought, according to the statement Trump personally dictated on Air Force One on his way back from the G20 -- where he had secret meetings with Vladimir Putin, of course -- that it was just a meeting about BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES, which is code for lifting the ban on the adoption of Russian babies by Americans, which is code for IT'S THE SANCTIONS, STUPID, because it's always been about sanctions. Strangely, Trump has said he also discussed BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES with Putin at the G20. It's like there's some huge conspiracy going on here or something, you think maybe?

But now Trump is coming right out with the truth, or at least a significant part of it. It's not that this is new information or anything; ever since we read Don The Dipshit Junior's emails about the set-up for the meeting, we've known it was a clear approach of the Trump campaign, by Russians who happen to be both close to the Kremlin and close to the Trumps.

We're just very glad Trump is clearing up the fake news he made up last year! It will be very helpful to the Mueller investigation, as it tries to decide whether Trump has had 100 percent criminal intent to obstruct justice for the past year, or if is it more like 150 percent.

To be clear, this isn't the first time Trump has admitted this. He tweeted this in July of 2017:

It's a little bit hilarious how this Trump confession came into existence. You see, he was mad about a Washington Post article that said Trump is "privately brooding and publicly roaring," and that according to an adviser, he's pretty sure his idiot son didn't mean to do any treason, but that he was privately worried that maybe his dear, dear moron son might have done all the treason. When Wonkette read that article, we immediately threw it in the fake news pile because it implies Donald Trump loves Don Jr.

HA HA, right?

So we have Trump above fact-checking WaPo's heathen lies about him being "concerned" about Junior, and saying it's just totally normal for American presidential campaigns to accept oppo research from hostile foreign powers. That part is a big lie. But it didn't stop Trump's bigly idiot lawyer Jay Sekulow from hopping around all the TV shows on Sunday to say collusion isn't a crime. (Conspiracy against the United States is what it's called in the law codes.)

George Stephanopoulos was ready for Jay Sekulow's shit:

"The question is how would [the meeting] would be illegal," Sekulow said on ABC's "This Week." "You have to look at what laws, rules, regulations, statutes are purportedly violated here."

'"Well, they've actually pointed to several, including conspiracy to defraud the United States," host George Stephanopoulos retorted. "That would be one of the possible charges, aiding and abetting conspiracy."

Well then!

To close this post, we simply would like to note that one of the stranger idiosyncracies of this story, from reporting over the course of the last year, is that while the explanations and excuses and lies about the Trump Tower meeting have been constantly shifting, many have sort of accepted the framing from TrumpWorld that, regardless of how this meeting came into being or what it was about, it was entirely unproductive. Junior said this to Congress. May we suggest that, considering how they've been lying about every detail about this meeting from the very beginning, the claim that the meeting was a big nothingburger is probably also a gigantic lie?

What if it was far more central to the conspiracy than we ever knew? And what other times did people from the Trump campaign meet with Russians about the stealing and dissemination of Hillary Clinton's emails? And who paid for it?

WHAT DID THEY KNOW AND WHEN DID THEY KNOW IT?

In probably unrelated news, Hope Hicks, the dearly departed White House adviser who was deeply involved in the crafting of the original lie statement about this meeting, was spotted this weekend on ... Air Force One! It's probably fine and surely has nothing to do with any witness tampering by the president of the United States or anything. Some idiot on MSNBC last night said she was just there to "surprise" Trump, because she had been hanging out with Jared 'n' Ivanka the night before and wanted to "surprise" him. We bet that is the whole truth, because why would these people lie?

You betcha!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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