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[contextly_sidebar id="G0jvWnSMahBJuFPSFWgt0dcSvvffMVI0"]In the lead-up to Thursday night's 74th Annual Daily Republican Debate, we were really hoping for a balls-out birthering cage match between Donald Trump and Ted Cruz and WE GOT IT!

[contextly_sidebar id="SUWjJQwn2jhXhJbq2TZR3Uqf6n9cjSdy"]Fox Business Network debate host Neil Cavuto asked Cruz to prove he is a real American, and Cruz said a bunch of words about how the law says he IS TOO qualified to be president, even though the law isn't entirely clear on that. He also bitched about how Trump didn't USED to care, and how "the Constitution hasn't changed, but the poll numbers have," which was a sick burn like you get on your tongue when your Cuban jerk chicken is TOO SPICY, AMIGO.


Cruz told a "YO MAMA SO SCOTTISH" joke, about Donald J. Trump's mother:

[S]ome of the more extreme [birther theories] insist that you must not only be born on U.S. soil, but have two parents born on U.S. soil.

Under that theory, not only would I be disqualified, Marco Rubio would be disqualified, Bobby Jindal would be disqualified and, interestingly enough, Donald J. Trump would be disqualified. Because -- because Donald's mother was born in Scotland. She was naturalized.

HISS! Cruz added, "[O]n the issue of citizenship, Donald, I'm not going to use your mother's birth against you." How very nice of him! Trump pointed out that "it wouldn't work" anyway, and Trump is correct, because unlike Ted Cruz, he was born on U.S. American shores, and it was the yoogest, most terrific American baby-calfing of all time.

(If you are wondering if Donald Trump just said anchor babies are automatic citizens, the answer is yes! If you are wondering if he's said that all along, the answer is no!)

[contextly_sidebar id="qfTjM7Z67G8k6iJC2t4fmYtfzauW6YbM"]Cruz whined about how John McCain is a Panamanian illegal immigrant who got to run for president, which means Teddy can also haz president, right? Remember that time the Senate passed a bipartisan resolution about how John McCain is super-American? Haha, the Senate failed to extend Cruz the same courtesy, of course, because all the people of the whole planet hate Ted Cruz.

The bitchiest MEEEEEEEEEOW moment came later, though, when Cruz was asked to 'splain why, in his growing butthurt over Trump's teasing, he started saying this week that hey, maybe he is a dirty foreign, but Trump "embodies New York values." OOOOH DOGWHISTLE SAY WHAT? Oh, he just means that Trump is a gay liberal commie Jew Yorker, which does not play well in flyover states like Alberta:

You know, I think most people know exactly what New York values are. [...]

[E]veryone understands that the values in New York City are socially liberal or pro-abortion or pro-gay-marriage, focus around money and the media.

Cruz added that "not a lot of conservatives come out of Manhattan," probably because those New Yorkers are busy gaybortioning each other with the levers they use to control money and the media, not that Christian supremacist Cruz is insinuating anything about who controls the money (JEWS) and the media (JEWS), heck no. He's pretty sure the good people of South Carolina understand what he means, though.

The New York Daily News understands what he means:

That paper is so subtle these days.

Then everyone talked about 9/11, the only time Republicans have ever pretended to even tolerate Jew York, which is not America anyway, according to sad poop-ape Erick Erickson.

Maybe Miss Teen South Carolina can help him out on that?

The end.

[Washington Post debate transcript]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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