Trump Declares Flawless Victory In Runoff His Endorsed Candidate Lost
Yesterday, Wonkette brought you a tale as old as time. Donald Trump endorsed a person named Susan Wright in the special GOP runoff to fill the seat of late GOP Rep. Ron Wright, in Texas's Sixth District. Susan Wright is Ron Wright's widow. The other candidate, Jake Ellzey, won.
Now Donald Trump, of course, is declaring victory. He seems to have this thing with thinking second place is the real winner. He's of course doing it to save face, because he's too weak and prideful to just admit his candidate lost. For evidence, please see every day of American history since November 3, 2020.
Trump talked to Axios about his feelings. He said the leader of the wingnut Club For Growth, David McIntosh, had pushed him to support Susan Wright. He said it was the Democrats' fault what happened. (You know, those Democrats, with their voting and like such as!)
He also said he actually "won" because Wright had bested Ellzey in the initial primary and the runoff came down to two Republicans he liked.
"I think this is the only race we've lost together," Trump said of McIntosh and the Club for Growth, before catching himself mid-sentence on the word "lost."
We imagine he started coughing and retching and making badness in his underwears all at the same time.
"This is the only race we've ... this is not a loss, again, I don't want to claim it is a loss, this was a win. …The big thing is, we had two very good people running that were both Republicans. That was the win."
And the people of the Sixth District just happened to choose, by a decisive margin, the person Trump didn't pick. Because Trump is the kingmaker. And everything he touches turns to ... well, it turns to shit. Hey, GOP, you paying attention?
Trump advisers are reportedly very super mad at the Club for Growth, for steering Trump toward endorsing a non-winner. McIntosh apparently buttered Trump up real good and gave him the kind of rubdown he likes. As Axios reports, "McIntosh appealed to Trump's vendetta-streak by telling him that the Never-Trumper Bill Kristol had previously donated money to Ellzey." More than that, McIntosh told Trump that Ellzey wouldn't even want to become a member of the House Freedom Caucus! How could he be a new little friend for Jim Jordan if he didn't join the House Freedom Caucus?
Apparently Club For Growth's internal polling was also for shit, and poor wayward Trump was led astray by it. And now people are worried Trump's golden endorsement might not mean what it used to, especially if Trump's favored candidate in an Ohio special election next week also becomes a big loser.
Anyway, there is all this internal drama and Trump's advisers are saying angry words, and Rick Perry, Trump's nutfuck former Energy secretary and former Texas governor, is somehow involved, and Perry is mad at Club For Growth, and all this would be really interesting if the Olympics wasn't on but oh hey swimming relay BRB post over goodbye!
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