Trump Dumps COVID-19 At Double-Header Superspreader Rallies In Arizona

Trump Dumps COVID-19 At Double-Header Superspreader Rallies In Arizona

Donald Trump held two campaign rallies in Arizona Monday, one in Prescott and another in Tucson, where Mayor Regina Romero expressed concern that Trump's COVIDchella would become another superspreader event. She sent Trump a letter asking him to follow local ordinances to protect public health, which he ignored, and she also reminded President Deadbeat that he still owes the city $80,000 from a rally in 2016.

Romero suggested that if Trump is supposedly all about “law and order," he'd obey the city's mandatory mask mandate, which has helped reduced COVID-19 cases in the city. She conceded that there's not much she could do to enforce the mandate if Trump won't model or promote responsible behavior.

Trump has a unique strategy for confronting COVID-19 — none. He's bored with the virus and can't understand why it's still around, sort of like Marla Maples in the late 1990s. At his Prescott rally, Trump said he was sick of hearing about the virus. He should've had the coronavirus sign a prenup because it's going to take more than half his presidency.

TRUMP: They're getting tired of the pandemic aren't they? Getting tired of the pandemic. You turn on CNN. That's all they cover. COVID, COVID, pandemic, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID. You know why? They're trying to talk everybody out of voting. People aren't buying it CNN, you dumb bastards. They're not buying it.

The dumb bastard in chief is lost in a Fox News bubble, so he remains unaware of how minimizing COVID-19, which has killed more than 200,000 Americans and upended the lives of millions, is a political loser. It's also kind of rude.

In Tucson, he claimed that "vaccines are coming" (yeah, about that) and the pandemic is "rounding the turn." He's been saying this for months, like he's a shady contractor in The Money Pit.

Trump praised Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey for being so chill about the 'rona. He attacked Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer again and accused her of keeping Michigan residents “in prison" while her husband "was allowed to do whatever the hell he wanted." Trump claimed that while Joe Biden would just lock us all in our homes, he would permit us to run free through the fields of coronavirus until our lungs explode.

TRUMP: People are pandemiced out. You know that? They're pandemiced out. That's why it's so great what your governor's done. He's opened up your state.

Arizona's coronavirus cases are rising at a 20 percent rate. The positive testing rate is also over 5 percent now.

TRUMP: You're doing great. We pioneered ... and by the way, you get it. Like I say, here I am. I'm here. I'm here and now I'm immune. I can jump into this audience and kiss every man and woman. I'm immune. Right?


TRUMP: They say, it used to be you're immune for life. Then when I got it, I said, "I'm immune." They said, "It's only good for four months." See, if anybody else … You understand that, right? I'll jump into that audience right there.

He's going to end up crowdsurfing at one of these rallies. Vernon Jones at Trump's Georgia rally made it look like so much fun.

No one is trying to rain on Trump's COVID-parade. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stated in August that any immunity from COVID-19 lasted for about three months. Longterm effects are still unpredictable. That's why it's a novel virus and not a stale TV series entering its 30th season.

At his Prescott rally, Trump suggested that people were happy to see him get the coronavirus, and, OK, maybe we were a little. We're only human and we haven't had a decent meal in a restaurant for months.

TRUMP: Oh, were they happy when they heard I had it, right? Did you see it? They were, "Well, we hope he gets better. We hope he gets better soon." And then, I came out and I did a rally, and they said, "This guy hasn't changed." Actually, I don't know if this is a compliment, they said, "He looks better now than before he had it."

No one said that.

Trump went on to claim that Biden and the Democrats want to delay therapies and a vaccine just to hurt his campaign. He has no evidence for these outrageous claims. He just lies. Later, in Tucson, he once again credited his miraculous recovery to the drug Regeneron, which is not a drug. It's a company that offers a monoclonal antibody treatment for rich assholes. Trump promises to provide access to this treatment (for free!) to all of us who aren't rich assholes. He's lying again.

TRUMP: I woke up and I felt good. I said, "Get me out of here." Boom, Superman. Through Operation Warp Speed, we will have 100 million vaccine doses before the end of the year, and our military is going to distribute them.

And the MAGA crowd chanted “SUPERMAN!" at the president because they have apparently never read a Superman comic in their lives.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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