Did you see the picture released by the German government, of the G6 Plus One Fucking Idiot Whose Pompous Ass Is In Way Over Its Misshapen Head?

Donald Trump has bumblefucked his way to Singapore on Air Force One so he can get rolled by Kim Jong-un, after leaving the G7 early. And oh, the temper tantrums that have been had, by our president!

It seemed OK at first. Sure, before Trump left, he made some senile shit-yammers about how everybody is robbing America's piggy bank and how that's GONNA STOP NOW. And initially after he left, Trump tweeted a thing about how he had totally Art Of The Deal-ed all our allies, by staring them in the eye and saying some bullshit about tariffs that exposes how Trump doesn't know a fucking thing about how trade works and is unwilling to learn.

And all the leaders released a joint communique, like they do, even though all the news reels say Trump acted like a pain in the ass the entire G7. He was probably just upset to be surrounded by thick-skinned democratic leaders without Daddy issues, and really wished he could cuddle with Vladimir Putin, who is not allowed in the G7 anymore.

But then suddenly, from the airplane, Trump tweeted the following bullshit, because Our Most Holy Justin Trudeau, President Of Sexxxiness And All Other Good Things, had fucked him over, therefore he was UN-SIGNING THE COMMUNIQUE, TAKE THAT:

And we were off to the races! And what had Mean Justin done? Oh, he just gave a presser after Trump was wheels up saying Canada would probably have to retaliate against the stupid and unnecessary tariffs Trump is putting on Canadian aluminum and steel. Mean Justin had said such things before, but THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT.

Now all the governments -- of our closest allies! -- have been releasing statements about what they really think about Donald J. Fuckstump. For example, here is French President Emmanuel Macron, who is usually SO NICE AND FLIRTY with Trump. Guess that little game of Flatter The Idiot is over, because Macron is talkin' shit:

"International cooperation cannot depend on fits of anger or little words. Let us be serious and worthy of our people," French President Emmanuel Macron's office said in a statement obtained by Le Monde.
The statement, which did not mention Trump by name, appeared to come down on the president for "incoherence and inconsistency" in his snub of the communique, which includes a commitment to a "rules-based international trading system" and to combating protectionism.

In response to our closest allies committing the grievous sin of not taking Shitwad McOrange seriously, Trump idiots were dispatched to the Sunday shows, to make giant fucking asses of themselves. Trump trade adviser Peter Navarro said "GRRRRRR ARGH THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR JUSTIN TRUDEAU POOP FART ANGER WORDS!"

OK, here is the real quote, which is basically just like the way we transcribed it:

"There's a special place in hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad-faith diplomacy with President Donald J. Trump and then tries to stab him in the back on the way out the door," Navarro said in an interview on "Fox News Sunday." "And that's what bad-faith Justin Trudeau did with that stunt press conference."

Hahahahahaha, eat my dick, you bellyaching jizz trumpet.

That was melodramatic, but we are really LOLing at that TV guy who thinks he knows about economics, Larry Kudlow, who explained that Trump's temper tantrum was about making sure he looks STRONG in front of Kim Jong-un, by proving that he can have really big temper tantrums on Twitter:

"POTUS is not gonna let a Canadian prime minister push him around," Trump's chief economic adviser, Larry Kudlow, said on CNN's "State of the Union." "He is not going to permit any show of weakness on the trip to negotiate with North Korea."
"So this was about North Korea?" CNN host Jake Tapper asked.
"Of course it was, in large part," Kudlow said. "Kim must not see American weakness."

"Kim must not see American weakness"? LOLOLOL, better make sure Kim never gets a look at this guy:

Seriously, the mere notion of Donald Trump thinking he'll ever be a bigger man than this guy is making us LOL:

Trump has continued his Tariffs, How Do They Work tirade on Twitter since landing in Singapore, which is obviously exemplary of what Kudlow was talking about when he said Trump wants to look as strong as possible going into his meeting with Kim Jong-un. As we all know, in the failing white man shit brain of Trump, the way to look "strong" is to scream and cry on Twitter while everybody points and laughs at you because you obviously have zero understanding of how the real world works.

And now, the Western alliance, the community of democracies that ushered in decades of peace and prosperity, the one that won the Cold War, is in tatters. Will it recover? Sure, someday, but not while this fucking fool is around, so let's all go vote bigly in November to give him a Congress that can stop him in his tracks, and we'll hope that by the time he is at last pushed out of office, our longtime friends will be willing to take us back into the fold of civilized nations.

Fingers crossed.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!


Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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