Donald Trump is very mad about this Russian bounty thing. No, not that Vladimir Putin was paying Taliban fighters in cash money to kill American troops. Why would Trump get mad about a little thing like that? It has absolutely zero to do with his life.

What he's mad about is that somebody (SOMEBODY!) in the White House made up a fake story about Putin paying bounties, and about him knowing about it, and then they took that fake story, which is fake (FAKE), and they leaked it! Like a common leaker!


Politico reports:

THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION has opened an internal investigation to try to uncover who leaked intelligence about Russians paying the Taliban bounties to kill American soldiers. The administration maintains the story is overcooked and the leaks cherry-picked despite a steady stream of follow-ups from media outlets across the globe.

Uh huh.

THE ADMINISTRATION has interviewed people with access to the intelligence, and believes it has narrowed down the universe of suspects to fewer than 10 people.

Uh huh.

THE ADMINISTRATION seems a bit more worked up about these leaks, due to the highly classified nature of the intelligence.

Uh huh.

WAIT. They are very mad because "highly classified nature" of a story that is "overcooked" and also fake? Are they talking about the same story Trump is talking about right here on Twitter?

That's right, Donald Trump says it's all a "Fake News Media Hoax" started to "slander me & the Republican Party." But yet Politico's sources say they're GON' FIND THE LEAKER THIS TIME, UNLIKE LAST TIME, who made up the Fake News Media Hoax to Slander Me and the Republican Party.

He also said:

Nothing worse than a "made up by Fake News tale," Mister President, nothing worse. Especially when the discredited New York Times is relying on a source that is IMAGINARY.

So wait, is Politico saying the Trump White House has started an internal investigation into IMAGINARY? That's some next-level Stable Genius bizness right there!

We are reminded for some reason of the Ukraine whistleblower Trump and his dipshit minions in the White House, in Congress, and on Fox News went on a months-long hunt for, because of how that whistleblower leaked what Trump claims was a "perfect call." We don't know why we were reminded of that just now, except for how obviously we thought of it because when Trump says "fake," what he means is "crime or some other kind of anti-American Russian shit I did that I really didn't want Americans to know about."

Because he's full of shit.

He's gonna find that leaker, though. Just like he found "Anonymous," oh wait.

And when he finds 'em? Well, he's just going to keep ignoring the fact that his real dad in Russia has been paying Taliban fighters to kill Americans, first of all. Besides, Trump's new dipshit DNI John Ratcliffe has a brilliant new theory, which he wrote down in a memo, that even if Russian military intelligence did this, it may be UNKNOWABLE whether Putin even knew of, or approved the deal.

You know how Russia is. "Hey Putin, what's going on in Russia today?" "How would I know! Hand me another vetrushka, Vladimir's eye are bigger than stomach today! Hah hah hah hah WHOLE 30 CAN WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK!"

Yep, that's how Russia is.

[Politico]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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