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It's a triptych of dips

Donald Trump wrapped up his reelection campaign Monday night with yet another big crazypants rally, this time in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. Before you put on your fedora and correct us that Trump was campaigning for the midterm elections, and ostensibly in support of Republican US Senate candidate Josh Hawley, you'd better have a chat with Trump's crowd, who kept chanting "Four more years! Four more years!" We don't know what happens to him in '22, but then, neither do they.

In addition to Hawley -- who was mostly an afterthought, as are most beneficiaries of Trump's campaign appearances -- the rally featured Lee Greenwood performing a medley of his patriotic hit, Rush Limbaugh spouting lies, Sean Hannity onstage campaigning for Trump less than 12 hours after saying he'd do no such thing, and White House employees Ivanka Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Kellyanne Conway illegally at a campaign appearance, because what is the Hatch Act anyway?

Well, yes, Trump HAD promised that morning that anyone violating federal election law would be "subject to the Maximum Criminal Penalties," but he meant illegal immigrants voting, not his own staff.


The rally was the usual weird bullshit, but turned up to 11 because crunch time. Before the rally, Sean Hannity "interviewed" Trump by asking him a bunch of tough questions about how Trump manages to be so awesome. Trump bragged that he'd now turned the southern border of the USA into a land of beautiful barbed wire, and who knows, maybe a recreation of World War I trench warfare: "We have a barbed wire wall, you see that, what they're doing, highest level [...] a lot of digging going on, a lot of trenching, and people aren't going to come into our country without the legal process."

Once the rally actually got going, Rush Limbaugh came onstage and explained the REAL collusion in 2016 was by Hillary Clinton, as you'd expect, because if she weren't a criminal, why would people chant "Lock her up," huh?

"Hillary Clinton colluded with Russia. Hillary Clinton rigged that election," insisted Limbaugh, which makes all sorts of sense because clearly she rigged it so she'd lose and then secretly undermine Trump from the Deep State. Talk about nefarious!

Trump also acted very surprised that Lee Greenwood had casually dropped by for the rally, although the appearance had been announced Sunday. Then Trump called Sean Hannity to the stage -- he was another guest the campaign had announced in advance, but Monday morning, Hannity had indignantly insisted he would simply be doing his normal work of covering Trump like the hardworking journamalist he is:

Gee, that was a quick turnaround!

After getting on stage to campaign with the "president," the most trusted man in rightwing news pointed at the back of the auditorium and said, "By the way, all those people in the back are fake news." And again, despite denying the campaign's announcement he'd be joining Trump, he also said he was surprised Trump had called him up on stage. That's a weird little dance, and we're frankly not sure why any of these idiots even try to pretend they're not lying, since the Trump/Fox crowd is perfectly fine with being lied to anyway.

Trump finally got the attention back on himself, at which point he explained that actually, everyone who voted for Trump is much smarter, better-educated, and in fact has far better stuff than any of the "elites," who are actually kind of trashy tacky people. Why does anyone pay attention to "the elites" when the REAL elites are Ivanka and all of you in your MAGA hats and "Life's a bitch, don't vote for one" t-shirts.

I know all of the elites. They're not very smart in many cases. They have a lot of hatred in their hearts. I don't know about you, but many of you went to better schools than they did...we have better houses, homes, boats. We do better than they do, we work harder than they do, we make more money than they do [...] We are the super-elites. We are the super-elites!

In fact, you might even wonder why the Trump Super-Elites even let the rest of us losers continue to live here. Probably because they're so nice. The rally continued on for a while with the usual string of lies, punctuated by some concerned silence when an audience member needed medical attention -- perhaps to grant succor to the person who'd fainted, someone in the crowd shouted "CNN SUCCCKS!!" and the crowd cheered, which almost certainly helped.

Trump, a little punchy, even got mixed up about what those evil Democrats want to destroy and what the brave GOP will protect, at least until today's votes are counted:

[If] Democrats gain power on Tuesday, one of their very first projects will be a socialist takeover of health care... The Democrat plan would obliterate Obamacare.

Now, of course he meant Medicare, because Medicare for All would destroy Medicare, you know, that's just a fact. (Except that it would actually save trillions over all US healthcare spending.) But because Donald Trump is incapable of admitting he's wrong, the Great Man didn't bother with a hasty "err, Medicare." Instead, he explained the Dems WOULD destroy Obamacare and that would be good, but even once Obamacare was destroyed the Dems would "leave the bad parts behind."

Trump then closed with a familiar line about how he avoided all the phone calls from foreign leaders who tried to tell him not to move the US embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, he said he'd call back in a week, after he'd very ingeniously already signed the order! SMART! But this time, the story had an interesting variation:

So when I called them back, I said, "Mr. King, Mr. Queen, Mr. Whatever," I said, listen, Mr. President, Mr. Prime Minister [...] I wish you'd gotten to me sooner! [huge laugh at how clever this was!!]

So don't you go saying Donald Trump isn't all that bright, because he knows ALL the titles for world leaders.

And that was the last Trump midterms rally until probably next week when he decides he really likes doing them more than anything else. FOUR MORE YEARS!

[WaPo / Politico / Guardian / Daniel Dale on Twitter / Aaron Rupar on Twitter]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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