New Sarah Huckabee Sanders Has History Of Plagiarism And DUIs, She Sounds #BeBest

We told you yesterday that horrible person Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a sweet new deal at Fox News, where she will lie shamelessly for money. It's not a big stretch from what Sanders did previously as White House press secretary, a once noble position she disgraced. We'd consider almost anyone who replaced her an improvement, and Stephanie Grisham is almost anyone, so we shouldn't complain that Grisham doesn't actually do her job. The White House hasn't held a press briefing since Sanders told a bunch of lies on March 11, and Grisham claims press briefings are passé because Donald Trump is "so accessible" and "that's good enough." It so isn't. Trump tweets bigoted garbage and yells lies at reporters while standing near a rotored conveyance he helpfully identifies as a helicopter. Even if he was effectively communicating to the American people like a functioning mammal, why is Grisham trying to downsize herself two months into the job?

According to profile in the New York Times, this new gig is supposedly the realization of a lifelong dream for Grisham.

"I've always had a picture of the White House and it would always sit right in front of my desk" in the Arizona Capitol, Ms. Grisham told a local television interviewer from the state shortly after joining the administration. "Whenever I was having a hard day I could look at it and remember what my goal was."

This makes sense if her goal was to someday visit the White House or even just walk past it on the way to one of DC's finer restaurants. Pretty much anyone can do at least one of those things. She should've aimed higher and framed a photo of the Oval Office specifically or the war room or someplace they don't show you on the standard tour.

Like your average mobster, Donald Trump values loyalty, but he cares less about the actual competence of his underlings, which probably makes him a bad mobster, as his administration is very Fredo-heavy. Grisham fetched coffee and Big Macs for Trump's 2016 campaign, and later worked her way down to spokesperson for part-time first lady, Melania Trump. She was the genius who came up with the convincing cover story for why Melanie wore a jacket sporting the phrase "I really don't care, do u?" while leaving to visit imprisoned migrant children.

"It's a jacket." No shit, Sherlock. And of course there was no "hidden message." That was the whole problem. It wasn't even a clever anagram. A sullen mean girl could do better. Later, both Gomez and Morticia Trump contradicted Grisham's story with the sociopathic truth.

Melania reveals meaning of her 'I don't really care'

Grisham helped launch the first lady's #BeBest campaign, which went so well you probably aren't even laughing while thinking about it. Unfortunately, Grisham's professional career doesn't reflect that campaign's prosaic counsel. She got fired in 2006 from a PR job at the Arizona AAA auto club because she (allegedly) filed false claims for travel and expenses. She lost another job at an Arizona advertising agency because she (again with the allegedly) plagiarized material from her former employer for a client's website. This is interesting because the "Be Best" platform "sampled" smooth beats and lyrics from Michelle Obama. It's uncertain whether Grisham was in plagiarism range of Melanie's infamous RNC speech.

After losing two consecutive private sector jobs on account of underhanded shadiness, Grisham moved on to politics -- a good match for her demonstrated skill set. She was spokesperson for corrupt Arizona attorney general Tom Horne and later a press aide in Mitt Romney's 2012 campaign. While working for the Arizona House's Republican majority in 2016, she revoked press credentials for the Arizona Capitol Times because the paper published an article detailing House speaker David Gowan's overall scuzziness. Grisham tried to spin as a "security measure" an obviously retaliatory effort to bar reporters from the House floor who had even a minor misdemeanor offense on their record.

This is ironic because Grisham had her own legal troubles when driving started to interfere with her responsible drinking. In 2013, she was arrested in Arizona for driving under the influence, speeding and driving with an invalid license. Just to clarify for our black readers, Grisham is not a ghost. She's a white woman so she survived the resulting police encounter. She in fact lived to drive while smashed yet again in 2015. We don't know how she regained her license or didn't wind up in jail. Oh, well, at least she wasn't smoking.

We assumed that you'd lose out on your dream of even touring the White House if you had two DUIs on your record, but Grisham disclosed everything to the Trump administration and all was good. This is the same administration, of course, that was just fine with employing an accused wife beater as the White House staff secretary.

Trump isn't interested in hiring "Be Best" people, just those who'll toe his crooked line. That's good news for Grisham, because it sounds like she's had some trouble walking straight ones.

[New York Times]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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