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Trump Idiots Mick Mulvaney And Betsy DeVos Smart Enough To Steal You Blind

National Politics

Today's entry in Incoherent Ramblings From The Trump Administration is brought to you by: budget cuts!

Mick Mulvaney, director of the Office of Management and Budget (OMB), talks about himself in the third person. We know this because Mick Mulvaney told CNBC about how Mick Mulvaney would work on Mick Mulvaney's budget. He is very concerned that His Most Bigly Of Profits be able to keep all his campaign promises! There will be no cuts to Social Security or Medicare because dammit, Trump promised! (Social Security Disability might get cut still because it's a known loophole in campaign promises: When you swear to Loki that you won't cut a program, you clearly aren't talking about all of it, just the parts you think of as part of the program, and no you don't need to know how it all works, this is how we Politics now!)

Of course we also heard a lot of Trumpy promises about paying off the national debt, five hundred percent of which was borrowed solely by Barack Obama on purpose to bankrupt the nation like a common Trump company, but Mick Mulvaney says that Mick Mulvaney can't quite get us there. "It's fairly safe to assume that was hyperbole. I'm not going to be able to pay off $20 trillion worth of debt in four years. I'd be being dishonest with you if I said that I could. The reason the president doesn't want to change some of the mandatory spending, is because the public's not ready for it yet. They're ready for economic growth." So we guess that there are different levels of promises and some are fine to break and some are not?

In fact His Most Respectful of Women's promises to cut the deficit are kind of, we don't like to use strong words around here, but: utter fucking lies. "The discussion we're going to try and drive is, yeah, we're going to raise the debt ceiling. But we're going to have to do it as part and parcel of a larger thing to try and solve and resolve some of our debt problems," says Mulvaney, which sounds to us suspiciously like not cutting the debt, but we don't work at Goldman so maybe we just don't understand monies!

Anyway the important thing according to Mick Mulvaney is to get GDP to 3.5% growth by gutting economic investment programs like the Appalachian Rural Commission which is only slightly less bonkers than Jeb "Please Clap" Bush's plan to just magic the economy into a 4% growth for his whole presidency had he won. (You only have yourselves to blame for Trump's election because Bushes are like fairies and if you don't clap their campaigns die, should have clapped, people!)

But lest you think it is only the budget people that can't money too well, let us introduce our Betsy "I believe in accountability" DeVos, who thinks that private schools shouldn't be forced to get disabled children's cooties on them, even though they should get all the public schools' money. For the kids! We love kids!

Anyway, Betsy thinks it's a shame that Mooslim Obama wanted to ease pressure on student loan borrowers and made it so that companies who were known to defraud and mistreat their customers couldn't get government contracts to service and collect on student loans. One company in particular, Navient, which used to belong to Sallie Mae, is so bad it's being sued by multiple states. But the news for Navient is good, because now that DeVos has unilaterally overturned these regulations with no plan or really idea what she is doing, its stock is rising because it will be able to bid for contracts again! (She believes in accountability.) It's a great thing that Betsy DeVos is able to write memos that completely overturn anything like logic or fiscal responsibility and no way this is a giveaway to a failing private corporation no sir!

In sum: these people have no idea how anything works but they're in charge of all the monies! Wonkette is taking a short position on America's solvency and encourages you to invest heavily in some kind of blockchain less stable than Bitcoin because it will still probably do better than Treasury bonds in the near future.

[CNBC/NYT/NYT/Bloomberg]

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