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Trump Is Bored With 'Civil' Chuck And Nancy, Just Wants To Tussle With Maxine Waters

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U.S. Rep. Maxine Waters of California, who is a couple months from 80, is now officially the the most dangerous woman in the world because of her aggressive blackness. However, tough guy Donald Trump, who frequently compliments brutal dictators, was impressed enough by Waters's show of force to advance her in the ranks of House leadership with a Twitter-issued executive order.


Waters is now the "Face of the Democrat Party" (inexplicable punctuation is Trump's). Trump rightly craves a worthy adversary. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer is too much like the dad in a 1980s teen movie.

And House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi probably reminds Trump too much of the attorneys representing the many women accusing him of sexual assault.

Meanwhile, Waters is a literal "minority" leader (with a capital "L" in fierce cursive script) who isn't afraid to lay into Trump and potentially offend his precious white working class supporters.

While carrying on like a mad man campaigning in North Dakota Wednesday night for US Rep. Kevin Cramer's Senate run, Trump essentially described Waters as the third most powerful Democrat in Congress.

Wow, Aunt Maxine's power is so great, it can reach into either house of Congress and command the civil-minded to do her bidding. This is what likely has Trump running scared. Waters is the most vocal proponent for actually holding the fake president accountable for his many real crimes. Pelosi recently gave a 279-word freestyle non-answer regarding impeachment (the Gettysburg Address was 272 words). Whereas, Aunt Maxine is all "let's impeach this fool. Where's my Sunday best 'high crimes and misdemeanors' hat?"

Waters is a force of unbridled not-putting-up-with-your-BS. Alt-right political activist Laura Loomer was schooled this week when she bum rushed Waters on Capitol Hill and got shown the floor.

How many other House members have it in them dish out unforgiving paper-cut beatdowns to Internet gadflies? Loomer's lucky, though: If the papers Waters ASSAULTED (unhinged all caps is Loomer's) her with had included Pelosi's rambling non-impeachment statement, Loomer might've suffered a concussion. Right-wingers are terrified of Waters's brazen call for "pushback" against Trump's serial lying, xenophobic, child-abducting cabinet. Don't they have access to paper -- potentially reams of it -- for protection against the very people they claim to represent?

Trump won't admit it, but I bet he's a little impressed with how Waters put down Loomer. He's a guy who doesn't like easy wins, and Pelosi and Schumer have posed as much combined threat as Glass Joe did in the first round of "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!" Waters, however, has kicked off her heels and is ready to mix it up.

Last night, Trump expressed more than a little envy for his arch enemy's politically incorrect confrontational speaking.

Yes, Mr. Trump, I can't imagine it, because I don't need to: There's all this video footage.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.

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