Though conservatives typically celebrate Black History Month with a flurry of tweets about how unfair it is that we don't have WHITE History Month even though that is all of the other months, or reminders that Martin Luther King Jr. was totally a Republican, why not, Donald Trump decided to do something different today. He invited the dozen or so Black people who actually voted for him to the White House to have "a little breakfast meeting."

In a brief speech at the beginning of the meeting, Trump began by speaking a little bit about Martin Luther King Jr. Specifically about how mean it was of the media to suggest that he removed his bust from the White House, when he did no such thing.

He then suggested that people are just now starting to hear about Frederick Douglass, whom it appears he thinks is still alive!

"I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about Rev. King, so many other things, Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who has done an amazing job that is being recognized more and more, I noticed."

But he didn't have nearly as much to say about black people as he did about how much black people totally love him!

“If you remember, I wasn’t going to do well with the African-American community, and after they heard me speaking and talking about the inner city and lots of other things, we ended up getting — I won’t go into details — but we ended up getting substantially more than other candidates who had run in the past years.”

Oh yes, he got a whopping 8 PERCENT of black voters. Such a huge amount, big league. Very substantial.

It was at this point that Trump thanked several of the people in the room for having supported them, even though he didn't watch them if they were on CNN, because that is "fake news." But Fox, he said, was very nice to him.

Here's the whole transcript of that little intro, courtesy of Toronto Star reporter Daniel Dale:

So mostly it was a speech about how unfair the media has been to Donald Trump, sprinkled with a few mentions of black people he has heard of -- like Omarosa, who he said is a very nice person.

After his speech, he went around the room and allowed all the black people to say nice things about him.

Of particular interest were Pastors Darrell and Belinda Scott of The New Spirit Revival Center in Ohio. At first, Belinda Scott took a moment to blow smoke up Trump's ass about how much black people TOTALLY LOVE HIM and think he is swell, and how grateful they are that he is listening to them. Then, Darrell Scott told Trump all about how "top gang thugs" in Chicago contacted him to tell him how much they love Donald Trump.

"I was recently contacted by some of the top gang thugs in Chicago for a sit down. They reached out to me because they associated me with you. They respect you.”

He then told Trump that they are willing to work with him to "reduce the body count" because they like him so much more than Obama.

“They believe in what you’re doing, and they want to have a sit down about lowering that body count.” [...]

“They agreed that the principles that can do it — these are guys from the streets, no politicians, straight street guys — but they’re gonna commit that if they lower that body count, we’ll come in and we’ll do some social programs.”

Given how much Chicago fucking hates Donald Trump, this does not seem at all like a thing that happened in real life. "Hello, Pastor Scott! I'm the head of a gang in Chicago --- and I'd love to talk to you about how super great Donald Trump is, and how much I respect him!" Can't you just hear it?

Also Donald Trump hates social programs and would much prefer to just "send in the feds." All Trump had to say about this was how Chicago is "totally out of control." Which is weird, because there are 23 other cities that have a higher murder rate than we do, according to FBI statistics.

Then some other guy introduced himself as a part "the media" and assured Trump that some people in the media like him and want to report on how great he is, at which point Trump, again, started talking about how unfair the media is to him, noting "they really have to straighten out their act, they're really dishonest people."

Then another Pastor guy spoke and said that he was proud to support Donald Trump and to convince other black people to support Donald Trump. And they pretty much continued on down the line like that. Like, literally that is all that happened, throughout the rest of the morning.

Ben Carson did not utter a single word throughout the entire meeting.


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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'Miga and Carlos' by Wonkette Operative 'Chica'

It's Father's Day, which means it's time for Yr Dok Zoom and his son to go to brunch and check out the downtown Boise Father's Day Car Show so we can ooh and ah over the very same Corvettes 'n' Mustangs 'n' lovingly-restored classic cars that are there every year, and I will probably once again point at the '68 Beetle converted to run on electricity and say, "Oh look, a Voltswagen!" Traditions matter. (Kid Zoom is 22, so I may also/instead meet him for cocktails later like grown up human people.)

Don't worry about any deep thoughts on the Meaning of Fatherhood here -- we're just going to enjoy the goofy side of dadding, which as far as I'm concerned is the best thing I've done with my time. Especially since my role model for parenting was the unnamed Dad from "Calvin and Hobbes."

As any fool knows, ice rises to the top of liquids because it's cold, and just wants to be closer to the sun so it can warm up. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

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