smartest guy

President Bing Bong Shits had a brain fart/aneurysm in public twice on Thursday, that we know of. (FAKE NEWS!) It's weird how the White House thinks it can tell us obvious lies like "the president is a normal person" and "the president's brain works OK," and blames made-up sources (and Bob Corker) for saying Trump is literally off his rocker, when the man seems determined to demonstrate each and every day that he's not fit for this job, that his mind MAY LITERALLY be going, and at the very least that he's a fucking dolt.

While Trump addressed the press with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, a mean reporter asked him a trick question, which was "Did you have a nice lunch with Rex Tillerson?" It was timely, since this week was the first time the two men had shared a meal since news broke that Tillerson thinks his boss Trump is a goddamned fucking moron.

Trump wasn't going to be fooled by that dumb reporter with his gotcha questions:

Very good. You mean last week? John, you're so far behind the times. Do you mean today or last week? Because today I didn't have lunch with him.

No, I had a lunch last week, and we had a very good lunch. We have a very good relationship. The press really doesn't understand that, but that's OK. We actually have a very good relationship.


Trump had lunch with Tillerson on Tuesday. As in the very day before mean reporter JOHN asked him how his lunch had been. Wonkette is fully aware of this because we wrote a really gross headline that day asking if "President Diaper-Shits" is about to "have a blow-out," and it included the thing about Trump challenging his secretary of State to an IQ contest. We noted in that piece that they were having lunch together AS WE PUBLISHED.

Donald Trump does not know when he had lunch with Rex Tillerson. And while we're on the subject, who is Rex Tillerson?

If you're keeping score in this game of "When Did Donald Trump Have Lunch," it is Wonkette: 1, Donald Trump: 0.

Trump also issued an executive order weakening Obamacare on Thursday, because he is a weak, thin-skinned pussy who wakes up in the morning crying about how Barack Obama hurt his feelings a whole bunch of times. That's literally the only reason for any of his "policy positions," to use the phrase loosely.

Anyway, the point is he did the song-and-dance, shook pussies and grabbed hands in the Oval Office with the cameras present, and when the ceremonial moment came, when it was time to actually SIGN THE FUCKING EXECUTIVE ORDER, Trump pooped his pants (maybe allegedly) and forgot about it completely until the vice president redirected him toward the signing table. Watch him say BYE BYE EVERYBODY, MISTER KELLY SAID I GET CAPRI SUN NOW, because it's funny to watch Trump fail at life:

As we were typing this, Trump was speaking at the Values Voter Summit, and this happened:

His Friday is off to a good start.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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