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President Bing Bong Shits had a brain fart/aneurysm in public twice on Thursday, that we know of. (FAKE NEWS!) It's weird how the White House thinks it can tell us obvious lies like "the president is a normal person" and "the president's brain works OK," and blames made-up sources (and Bob Corker) for saying Trump is literally off his rocker, when the man seems determined to demonstrate each and every day that he's not fit for this job, that his mind MAY LITERALLY be going, and at the very least that he's a fucking dolt.

While Trump addressed the press with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, a mean reporter asked him a trick question, which was "Did you have a nice lunch with Rex Tillerson?" It was timely, since this week was the first time the two men had shared a meal since news broke that Tillerson thinks his boss Trump is a goddamned fucking moron.

Trump wasn't going to be fooled by that dumb reporter with his gotcha questions:

Very good. You mean last week? John, you're so far behind the times. Do you mean today or last week? Because today I didn't have lunch with him.

No, I had a lunch last week, and we had a very good lunch. We have a very good relationship. The press really doesn't understand that, but that's OK. We actually have a very good relationship.

YOU'RE SO FAR BEHIND THE TIMES, JOHN.

Trump had lunch with Tillerson on Tuesday. As in the very day before mean reporter JOHN asked him how his lunch had been. Wonkette is fully aware of this because we wrote a really gross headline that day asking if "President Diaper-Shits" is about to "have a blow-out," and it included the thing about Trump challenging his secretary of State to an IQ contest. We noted in that piece that they were having lunch together AS WE PUBLISHED.

Donald Trump does not know when he had lunch with Rex Tillerson. And while we're on the subject, who is Rex Tillerson?

If you're keeping score in this game of "When Did Donald Trump Have Lunch," it is Wonkette: 1, Donald Trump: 0.

Trump also issued an executive order weakening Obamacare on Thursday, because he is a weak, thin-skinned pussy who wakes up in the morning crying about how Barack Obama hurt his feelings a whole bunch of times. That's literally the only reason for any of his "policy positions," to use the phrase loosely.

Anyway, the point is he did the song-and-dance, shook pussies and grabbed hands in the Oval Office with the cameras present, and when the ceremonial moment came, when it was time to actually SIGN THE FUCKING EXECUTIVE ORDER, Trump pooped his pants (maybe allegedly) and forgot about it completely until the vice president redirected him toward the signing table. Watch him say BYE BYE EVERYBODY, MISTER KELLY SAID I GET CAPRI SUN NOW, because it's funny to watch Trump fail at life:

As we were typing this, Trump was speaking at the Values Voter Summit, and this happened:

His Friday is off to a good start.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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