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Donald Trump is NOT mad at his greasy bad-faced namesake Donald Trump Jr. for taking a conspiracy meeting with a Russian lawyer lady, OK? Junior is not grounded, he will not have his puss-grabbing privileges taken away, and Daddy's not going to slap him in the face in front of all his friends like he reportedly used to do when Junior was in college. So don't worry!

Who's in trouble then? Oh it is just Barack Obama, as usual. Trump explained in Paris on Thursday that his poor, innocent, stupid fuckbag of a son wouldn't even have been able to meet that naughty Russian lawyer at Trump Tower if NOBUMMER and LORETTA LYNCH hadn't let her into the country:

The lawyer that went to the meeting, I see that she was in the halls of Congress. Also, somebody said that her visa or her passport to come into the county was approved by Attorney General Lynch. Now maybe that’s wrong, I just heard that a little while ago, but I was a little surprised to hear that. So she was here because of Lynch.

Think Progress notes that Trump's justification for blaming Obama and Loretta Lynch comes directly from a stupid article in the Hill written by wingnut John Solomon, and also from his precious Fox News.

Trump has a new interview with Reuters where he explains how Not Mad he is at Junior, and he also claims he had no idea his Picasso-face lookin' firstborn was even having that meeting with the Russian lawyer, even though he was in the building at the time, and even though Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort and Trump sexxxy son-in-law Jared Kushner were in attendance. Of course, that is either the truth or a lie, but considering how it's Donald Trump, we'll assume it's a lie to be on the safe side. Also, who among us WOULDN'T have tried to violate election law by conspiring with the Russians?

"I think many people would have held that meeting," Trump said.

"It was a 20-minute meeting, I guess, from what I’m hearing," Trump said. "Many people, and many political pros, said everybody would do that."

Sad! Donald Trump is a fucking know-nothing, and he's doing that thing he always does, where he says "many people" have said "everybody would do that," just like when he says "everybody," even including his opponents, agrees there were no conspiracy crimes between Trump and Russia. The "many people" and the "everybody" are presumably a combination of Sean Hannity, the "Fox & Friends" idiot couch, and the meat farts that explode out of his voluminous ass as he tweets on the toilet each morning.

For the record, approximately one million Republican campaign veterans have weighed in, and they all agree that literally NO SMART PATRIOTIC PERSON would have taken that meeting, and most say they would have called the FBI.

As Maggie Haberman and one of her work boyfriends report in the New York Times, blaming Junior for Junior's Russian Fuckups is very unfair in the president's eyes. You see, Trump calls his children "baby," and nobody puts one of Trump's babies in a corner. Also, there is the thing about how Don Jr. and Donald used to have a Family Feud with each other (see above re: slapping in public), and so Haberman says having Junior getting caught trying to do Russia conspiracies has been hurtful for Daddy. We imagine he's proud of his boy for at least trying, though!

Trump has instead reportedly been very mad at his lawyer Marc Kasowitz, and also at White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, presumably because they have not snapped their fingers and made this whole "Russia" business go away and die.

We don't know if Trump wants to slap Jared Kushner in the face over this meeting, but we're gonna guess probably not. Kush and the Vank-Vank didn't go to France with Daddy, because they have some kind of gabillionaires' orgy to attend in Sun Valley, Idaho. Kushner, of course, failed to report his own attendance at the Russian sexxx meeting with Junior and Manafort on his security clearance filings, but he's updated those filings right nice, along with like 100 other foreign sexxx contacts that had slipped his mind. Don't judge him, you assholes. If you scrolled through your iPhone contacts right now, we're sure you'd find a lot of no-names you met drunk at a bar, but who are nonetheless in your "contacts." Of course, for Jared Kushner and everybody else who's ever met Donald Trump, every single one of those no-names is a Russian spy, so maybe they're not just like you.

(By the by, Attorney General Jeff Sessions was supposed to release an updated list of all his Russian sexxx contacts this week too. His DOJ complied, by releasing a blank page. Good job, pork chop!)

If we may return to Reuters for a second, Trump exposed himself as an easily scammed dipshit in a different Russian way in that interview, when he talked about asking Vladimir Putin whether he directed the 2016 election stealing/hacking:

"I said, 'Did you do it?' And he said, 'No, I did not. Absolutely not.' I then asked him a second time in a totally different way. He said absolutely not," Trump said.

CASE CLOSED! Donald Trump The Good Salesman knows how to spot a con, so he knows Putin was telling him the truth, because you know why? Because Putin called Trump "brilliant" one time (not brilliant like "smart," brilliant like "shiny"), therefore he would never lie to Trump, and he certainly isn't laughing at Trump behind his back. No not ever.

In conclusion, Donald Trump is not mad at Junior, Jared, Jefferson Beauregard or Vladimir for their involvement in the Russian hacking/stealing of the 2016 election. Barack Obama, Loretta Lynch, Reince Priebus and Trump's own lawyer Marc Kasowitz better get ready to feel the sting of Trump's tiny hand swatting them right on their bare bottoms, though.

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[Reuters / New York Times / Think Progress]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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