Trump Lawyer Whines To Hannity After Insane Clinton RICO Suit Dismissed For Being Hot Garbage

Back in March, Donald Trump sued Hillary Clinton, the DNC, and half of DC for RICO-ing him to death with the Russia investigation in 2016. His theory of the case (and we use that term generously) was that Clinton was in cahoots with her BFFs James Comey and Andy McCabe at the FBI to frame Trump for NO COLLUSION with Russia to torpedo his presidency and ruin his business. He even blamed her for getting him kicked off Twitter on January 7, 2021, which is ... not how we remember it.

There were upwards of two dozen defendants in this clownsuit, including former Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who was appointed by Trump himself, and DNC lawyers Marc Elias and Michael Sussmann. It was really fucking dumb, and now it's really fucking done, after US District Judge Donald Middlebrooks yeeted this piece of garbage into the sun last week.

"At its core, the problem with Plaintiff’s Amended Complaint is that Plaintiff is not attempting to seek redress for any legal harm; instead, he is seeking to flaunt a two-hundred-page political manifesto outlining his grievances against those that have opposed him, and this Court is not the appropriate forum," he wrote in his order dismissing the suit, because WAAH, THEY WERE MEAN TO ME isn't actually a cognizable legal claim.

He also made some very pointed references to the poor quality of lawyering by Team Trump, and all but invited the two dozen defendants to file sanctions motions against Trump and his attorneys for engaging in this pointless exercise.

For instance, Trump's counsel repeatedly cited the Justice Department inspector general's report on the origins of the Russia investigation, in support of his argument that "the scheme was conceived, coordinated and carried out by top-level officials at the Clinton Campaign and the DNC—including ‘the candidate’ herself—who attempted to shield her involvement behind a wall of third parties.” They also pointed to Special Counsel John Durham's prosecution of DNC attorney Michael Sussmann for making a false statement when he flagged the Alfa Bank server data to the FBI, suggesting it was part of the predicate for the Crossfire Hurricane investigation of the Trump campaign — all while failing to mention that Sussmann was acquitted.

Here on Planet Earth, the IG report found that the Russia investigation was appropriately predicated because Trump's "coffee boy" Russia adviser George Papadopoulos got shitfaced and bragged to an Australian diplomat that Russia had stolen Clinton's emails and would release them to help Trump get elected — six weeks before they did just that using WikiLeaks as a cutout.

“[I]f a party chooses to include such references, it is expected that they be presented in good faith and with evidentiary support,” the judge writes. “Unfortunately, that is not the case here.”

The court was similarly unimpressed with 118 pages of incoherent screeching in the complaint that was supposed to be a succinct statement of the facts and the law, but was instead "difficult to summarize in a concise and cohesive manner." The order ends with an ominous statement by Judge Middlebrooks: "I reserve jurisdiction to adjudicate issues pertaining to sanctions."

That is not good news for attorneys Alina Habba and Donald Trump's long-ago military school roommate Peter Ticktin, whose efforts forced dozens of defendants to hire lawyers to represent them in Florida, a jurisdiction to which they had no connection.

Luckily Alina Habba is handling the whole thing like a professional. By which we mean she raced to Sean Hannity to cry salty tears and talk shit about Judge Middlebrooks.

"When you have a Clinton judge here, Judge Middlebrooks, who I had asked to recuse himself, but insisted that he didn't need to, that he was going to be impartial. And then he proceeds to write a 65-page scathing order where he basically ignored every factual basis which was backed up by indictments, by investigations, the Mueller report, etcetera etcetera etcetera, not to mention [Special Counsel John] Durham and all the testimony we heard there. We get dismissed," she huffed. "Not only do we get dismissed, he says that this is not the proper place for recourse for Donald Trump. He has no legal ramifications."

Yes, that is what happens when you pretend that accessing publicly available DNS lookup data is theft of trade secrets in order to bootstrap into a civil RICO claim, and then jam in a lot of defamation-type charges that are long outside the statute of limitations. There are, indeed, no legal ramifications. Well, except for possible Rule 11 sanctions.

"What is the proper place for him? Because the FBI won't help," she scoffed.

Habba said she might appeal to the Eleventh Circuit, before admitting that she insisted in continuing this pointless exercise over the objections of her own client.

"The former president looked at me and he told me, 'You know what, Alina? You're not going to win. You can't win. Just get rid of it. Don't do the case.' And I said, 'No, we have to fight. It’s not right what happened.' And you know, he was right. It’s a sad day for me personally because I fought him on it and should have listened, but I don’t want to lose hope in our system, I don’t.”

Cool. Well, maybe the defendants won't see this video and flag it for the court in their inevitable sanctions motions. Because it seems pretty likely that Habba and Ticktin have one or two more sad days coming down the pike.


[Trump v. Clinton, Docket via Court Listener]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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