Trump Lawyers Pretty Sure Robert Mueller Interviews Are VERY ILLEGAL. Sure, Why Not!

This thing is great for twitter reception

What is that lunatic banging on about now? Can we get someone to babysit him on the weekends since Melon has noped out and he clearly can't be left alone in a dirty diaper for hours on end?

Simmer down, Poppy! We can smell you from here.

Shortly after the Leaker in Chief took to his Obamaphone to accuse Robert Mueller of "leaking my lawyers letters" -- possessives, how do they work? -- the New York Times published two memos sent by the president's esteemed legal team to the special counsel's office in June 2017 and January 2018.

You will be FOR SHOCKED to discover both memos are batshit insane. Spoiler alert: Trump thinks he's King of America. Also, there is zero chance Mueller's team leaked these documents. They're clearly part of the White House media campaign to establish as "fact" that it's impossible for the president to obstruct justice "because that would amount to him obstructing himself." Yes, that is an actual quote from the memo. Yes, that is their PLAN. Welcome to 2018!

It remains our position that the President’s actions here, by virtue of his position as the chief law enforcement officer, could neither constitutionally nor legally constitute obstruction because that would amount to him obstructing himself, and that he could, if he wished, terminate the inquiry, or even exercise his power to pardon if he so desired.

Does this argument sound familiar?

Well, when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.

Right. So it's totally cool if Trump orders James Comey to kill the Michael Flynn investigation and start one on Hillary Clinton. He can fire Comey to end the Russia investigation, or even shoot him the in Oval Office. And as long as he's president, it's all good.

Indeed, the President not only has unfettered statutory and Constitutional authority to terminate the FBI Director, he also has Constitutional authority to direct the Justice Department to open or close an investigation, and, of course, the power to pardon any person before, during, or after an investigation and/or conviction. Put simply, the Constitution leaves no question that the President has exclusive authority over the ultimate conduct and disposition of all criminal investigations and over those executive branch officials responsible for conducting those investigations.

Recognize that one?

And what an amazing coincidence that someone just happened to leak these memos to the Times the same weekend Rudy Giuliani went on a media blitz to say Donald Trump IS THE LAW! Who coulda seen that one coming, huh?

Also, too, the president's lawyers are very concerned the Russia investigation is cutting into Executive Time:

We express again, as we have expressed before, that the Special Counsel’s inquiry has been and remains a considerable burden for the President and his Office, has endangered the safety and security of our country, and has interfered with the President’s ability to both govern domestically and conduct foreign affairs.

Yeah, these guys are actually arguing that a guy who spends his morning livetweeting "Fox & Friends" and has played 100 rounds of golf since inauguration is TOO BUSY for this Russia investigation. If only he weren't distracted by Robert Mueller, Trump would have done a real good job with that Puerto Rican hurricane. You bet!

The only major substantive revelation was that Trump wrote his dumb son Junior's bullshit "bouncy Russian babies" explanation for that Trump Tower meeting with all the Russian spies:

You have received all of the notes, communications and testimony indicating that the President dictated a short but accurate response to the New York Times article on behalf of his son, Donald Trump, Jr. His son then followed up by making a full public disclosure regarding the meeting, including his public testimony that there was nothing to the meeting and certainly no evidence of collusion.56

This subject is a private matter with the New York Times. The President is not required to answer to the Office of the Special Counsel, or anyone else, for his private affairs with his children.

So DJ was fibbing when he told the House Intelligence Committee he's a big boy who wrote it all by himself, with a wee smidge of help from Hope Hicks? (What's that word for when you make lie words under oath?) And when Jay Sekulow swore on Baby Jesus that Trump "wasn't involved" in drafting the statement, that was a big fat lie, too?

Shit, next you'll be telling us the Loch Ness Monster photos are fake!

And Trump can't possibly sit down for an interview with Robert Mueller because ... umm, because it is ILLEGAL TO ASK HIM TO, THAT'S WHY!

The records and testimony we have, pursuant to the President’s directive, already voluntarily provided to your office allow you to delve into the conversations and actions that occurred in a significant and exhaustive manner, including but not limited to the testimony of the President’s interlocutors themselves. In light of these voluntary offerings, your office clearly lacks the requisite need to personally interview the President.

Pay no attention to the fact that Bill Clinton was ordered to testify in the Paula Jones case. Trump's most excellent lawyers drafted memos saying their client is innocent, which is all Mueller is going to get. And that's the real takeaway from these letters: there is no universe where Trump's lawyers will allow him to testify, and they're making it 100 percent clear their client intends to kill the investigation if he's subpoenaed.

Danger, Will Robinson! This is NOT GOOD.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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