Happy Cans background photo by 'frankieleon,' Creative Commons License 2.0

When most people think "Donald Trump" and "toilet," the words "sent America right down the" usually come up. But in this case, it's more of a story about actual toilets, and not even the solid gold poopthrone we all imagined Trump perched upon while tweeting, or his constant (public!) refrain about the size of his waste demanding many, many flushes, perhaps he should see a doctor. Nope, as the Daily Beast reports, while Trump is summering at his trash palace and golf cheatery in Bedminster, New Jersey, the Secret Service detail guarding him is paying a cool $34,000 to rent fancy portable toilets.

The intrepid reporters at the Beast found the information in federal procurement data; the contract runs from May 24 through the end of September, so the Secret Service is shelling out about $8,500 a month for the terlets to "Imperial Restrooms," a company in Saugerties, New York. For a change, the money doesn't appear to be going to the Trump Organization itself, so ... progress?


Also too, these appear not to be your everyday plastic shitters like you'd find outside a Trump rally, at least not according to this impressive promotional video from Imperial Restrooms. They are entire trailers full of restroom facilities, and perhaps even showers, although as far as we can tell, the Daily Beast wasn't able to nail down what particular model(s) of Rolling Thundermug ended up being deployed to Bedminster.

BRIDAL TERLETS

This isn't the first Trump goat rodeo for Imperial Restrooms, either. In 2017, the company received a $1,700 contract for three weeks at Bedminster, and over the last four years, the Daily Beast says, the company has provided Imperial services to the tune of some $1.2 million in government contracts. We'd note that the story doesn't specify whether those all involved Trump or his family, or if Thrones of Empire is just a really popular provider of seats of ease.

Even though Trump is out of office, he's continued to cost taxpayers plenty; most adult presidential children lose their Secret Service protection at the end of papa's presidency, but Trump ordered an extra six months of protection for his spawn, who travel frequently for "business." In all, the Beast reports, extended protection is still being provided for

13 members of [Trump's] family and at least three Trump appointees: ex-Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, ex-National Security Adviser Robert O'Brien, and Steven Mnuchin. [...] In the first month after leaving the White House, Trump's adult children cost taxpayers more than $140,000 in travel costs linked to their Secret Service details.

This is far from the first time the Secret Service has had difficulty finding Sanitary Facilities for Trump Protection. In January, shortly before Joe Biden took office, we learned that Secret Service teams guarding Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump's home in Washington DC weren't allowed to use any of the estimated 7,453 toilets in the Kushner-Trump manse, and sometimes agents had to drive bowel-straining distances to get to other facilities. Eventually, the agency found relief when it rented a basement room (with WC) from a neighbor, to use as a command post.

Even if the terlet rentals aren't enriching the Trumps — that would be the Secret Service renting rooms at Trump properties every time a Trump stays at one, at what appears to be far above market rates — Noah Bookbinder, executive director of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, had a pretty good question: Why are taxpayers paying for porta-johns at a Trump resort that "surely has sufficient bathrooms," huh?

At the risk of suggesting that this might not be entirely horrible, though, we have to wonder if the contract for the portable house(s) of office might provide an answer to the question of whether the Secret Service would once again have to rent a cottage at Bedminster this summer, as it did while Trump was in office. If the porta-san trailer(s) means that Trump's protective detail is rooming in local hotels, instead of paying $567 a night for the cottage — which for the May 24 to September 30 period would come to $73,143 — then ... big savings? We're sure the Washington Post's David Fahrenthold will plumb federal records for the real poop.

[Daily Beast / Image: Wonkette photoshoop of photo by 'frankieleon,' Creative Commons License 2.0]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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