Donald Trump has a totally legitimate reason for maybe deciding to act even more like a criminal authoritarian king during the election next year, by refusing to debate his eventual Democratic opponent.

No, it's not because Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren or Pete Buttigieg or, we dunno, a hologram of Marianne Williamson beamed in from outer space, would make him look very stupid, because of how he is the stupidest person in the entire United States of the World, STOP SAYING IT'S BECAUSE HE'S STUPID.

And no, it's not because he's a total chickenshit who's BAWK BAWK BAWK about having to go head-to-head in a battle of wits against literally anybody.

And no, it's not because his old balls body is too incontinent at this point to stand on a stage for three hours without a poop break.

And no, it's not because they won't let him bring big Sharpie-written notes that say "BIDEN IS THE REAL YOUKRAINE" or "SAY POCOHOMTAS MORE" or "PETE IS THE GAY KIND."

And no, it's not because he's bad at talking and did we mention stupid?

Just kidding, it actually is because he's stupid, but not in the most obvious way. You see, THEY made it RIGGED, and he is STILL MAD:


Mr. Trump has told advisers that he does not trust the Commission on Presidential Debates, the nonprofit entity that sponsors the debates, [two people familiar with the discussions about debates] said.

RIGGED:

Less of a concern for Mr. Trump than who will emerge as the Democratic nominee is which media personality will be chosen as the debate moderator, according to people in contact with him.

Also he's stupid:

In the 2016 general election debates, Mr. Trump repeatedly complained about being at a disadvantage to Hillary Clinton, the Democratic nominee.

And his people know he's stupid:

One senior adviser to the president seemed to wince at the question, and said it was not something advisers were prepared to discuss until next year.

RIGGED:

After his performance in one of the debates was panned, Mr. Trump blamed a "defective mic" and questioned whether it was done "on purpose" to put him at a disadvantage.

Who can forget the debates of 2016, when the only reason Trump looked stupid is because of a quiet mic. Hell, that might have even helped him, because it was the one debate where he was less of a big loudstupid than usual.

Of course, he also stalked Hillary Clinton like ... well, like a sexual predator ... and loomed over her and got up in her space, and we still wish she had just turned around and said "GET OFF MY DICK, YOU FUCK," and we read her book and we're pretty sure she wishes she had too.

Trump is reportedly also still upset because he made a big show of bringing women who had accused Bill Clinton of sexual misconduct to that one debate, and he wanted them to have to sit in his box where Hillary Clinton could see them, but the debate commission wouldn't let him, GRRRRR RIGGED!

In conclusion, Donald Trump is scared of debates, and also he is very stupid.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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