Trump Pentagon Goons Shocked To Find Selves Covered In Sh*t After Lying Down With Trump

Oh bless their hearts! The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the secretary of Defense have awakened surprised that what happens when you lay down in the bunker with Donald Trump is you get covered in shit.

Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.

Gen. Mark Milley, who walked along as the feds tear-gassed peaceful protesters in Lafayette Park so Donald Trump could desecrate the Lord's house with an upside down Bible, and who allowed Trump to tell governors he was "in charge" of some new program where the military would attack the American people, is just trying to clarify!

Defense Secretary Mark Esper, who also gladly walked with Trump, after earlier that day on that same governors' call referring to the streets of America, full of America's peaceful citizens, as a "battlespace" to "dominate," is just having a Susan Collins moment over here, oh bless this mess! That's not what he meant to do at all!

More lamentations, for which we obviously offer thoughts and also prayers:

They didn't know!

They thought they were going to take a little waddle-trot with President Waddle-Trot. They thought Trump might sniff some bushes in Lafayette Park, hike his leg up, sprain his leg in the process of hiking, and then maybe Kayleigh McEnany and Jared would hoist the president over their shoulders and carry him to the Big Mac chamber so he could chew on his leg and make it worse. They didn't know they were going to tear gas those people! What are they, the secretary of Defense and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs on the day Trump declared war on the American people or something? How could they possibly have seen that coming?

They thought maybe they would walk to Lafayette Park with Trump, to talk about how to "quell" the protests there, even though there was nothing to "quell," since MSNBC reporter Garrett Haake and everybody else on the scene have confirmed they were 100 percent peaceful all goddamned day.

They thought Trump just wanted to "view the troops." So they went with him! Oh fiddlesticks, they never guessed what was going to happen next!

And when Mark Milley gallivanted around later on like some kind of G.I. Joe-wannabe motherfucker ...

BRB, we need our inhaler now.

We have nothing more to say about this, so here are some ass-lickers bowing down to Donald Trump and singing his praises, thanking Dear Leader for invading a church that doesn't want him and marking it as his territory, in the name of God's holy fascism. We'll start with fucking lunatic GOP Rep. Peter King, rejoicing over Lord and Savior Shithole The Magnificent "reclaiming" St. John's Episcopal Cathedral, for fascism. Reclaimed from whom? The thousands of Episcopalians in DC, we guess.

And here is fucking lunatic Trump sycophant Ari Fleischer, the single most embarrassing remnant of the Gee Dubya Bush administration, saying Trump shoving an upside-down Bible down his pants and then sniffing it in front of a church was somehow symbolic of how Americans have been banned from going to church or saying Merry Christmas, because of the pandemic or something, we don't fucking know.

And if you want more of that, Media Matters has rounded up the fascist snail trail Fox News left all over the place this morning, as Sarah Huckabee Sanders and others competed to lavish praise upon Stupid Hitler, for desecrating a church.

Reminder: The people who actually run the church in question — and no, Ari Fleischer, it is not the "president's church," he does not go to church and if he had entered the premises, we imagine it would burn his little hobbit feet — are disgusted and outraged by what Trump did.

At press time, Trump had just desecrated with his presence another religious monument, the shrine to Pope John Paul II in DC. Surprise, the archbishop of Washington, Wilton Gregory, is grossed out by that too:

"I find it baffling and reprehensible that any Catholic facility would allow itself to be so egregiously misused and manipulated in a fashion that violates our religious principles, which call us to defend the rights of all people even those with whom we might disagree," Gregory said. [...]

"Saint Pope John Paul II was an ardent defender of the rights and dignity of human beings. His legacy bears vivid witness to that truth," Gregory said. "He certainly would not condone the use of tear gas and other deterrents to silence, scatter or intimidate them for a photo opportunity in front of a place of worship and peace."

Well said.

All the rest of this is just ... fuuuuuuuuck off.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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