Trump Plans GOP Convention At White House Because F*ck It, If You're Gonna Steal, STEAL BIG!

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When that tacky, orange menace finally gets sent packing in January, Joe Biden better send someone to count the White House spoons. That grifting sumbitch is about to steal everything that isn't nailed down. Melania will probably try to jam that tennis pavilion she's been working on since COVID hit into her luggage, along with Martha Washington's china. Because these people are under the mistaken impression that this is THEIR HOUSE.

Just look at this.

See, Trump failed to do jackshit to stop COVID from shutting down America, and then he stomped out of North Carolina because the governor wouldn't let him jam 15,000 MAGAts into an arena to belch 'rona germs into each other's faces. But then Florida turned into a COVID hotspot, so he couldn't have his convention there, either. So now you, the American taxpayer, get to host this party for him. Hooray!


This morning, RNC Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel previewed this argument for the Kurvy Kouch Krew, saying, "Here is my personal opinion: If Joe Biden can live in his basement, the president has every right to talk in front of his house, which is the White House."

Which makes complete sense, really. You just have to disregard the fact that Joe Biden owns his home and can use it as he pleases; Donald Trump doesn't own the White House, it belongs to all Americans; and, while the president and vice president are not covered by the Hatch Act, all other federal employees are prohibited from using government resources for campaign activities. But other than that, it's totally fine!

Incidentally, the exact same arguments apply to Gettysburg National Military Park, which is "owned" by the American people and cannot be used as a backdrop for an explicitly political event. Yes, of course Trump has been using every official venue as a political event, but this is different.

There's also the questionable symbolism of holding a rally for an explicitly white nationalist, pro-Confederate campaign at the site of the Confederacy's last stand. Although, we're hearing Trump has done more for African-Americans than any president, including Lincoln. More and more people are saying it! So perhaps it's fitting that Trump give his own Greedysburg Address on that spot.

Hey, remember that time when Trump's pal Stephen Moore joked about Donald Trump kicking a Black family out of public housing when the Obamas left the White House? Because HAW HAW, imagine Black people owning a piece of America, what a joke, right? But now that a white — okay, orange — family has taken up residence, they think they own the place in perpetuity.

Kick these grifty fuckers to the curb, please.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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