Trump President Of Heaven Now, Says QAnon Prophet Guy
It's been a real rough few months for professional prophets who foresaw Donald Trump being President for four more years — and many of them are not willing to give up the (holy) ghost. Johnny Enlow, a QAnon promoting Christian prophet, has been insisting since the November election that Trump won and will be president again, a prediction that looks increasingly less likely every day. But he's not willing to give up or admit he was wrong. It's tough to be wrong when your entire business model relies on you being able to predict the future — just ask Sylvia Browne! Oh wait, you cannot do that because she died several years ago, of an unforeseen illness, right before she planned to go on tour.
Enlow's latest gambit is that while it appears that Trump is not president of the United States right now, he is sitting on the Presidential chair in heaven, which is quite a feat for someone who is not dead.
"President Trump is the president that has been ordained [and] nominated by the Lord," Enlow declared. "He won over 70 percent of the vote and 49 of the 50 states. So he won. He is sanctioned in Heaven, on earth, and he's here, but we have somebody else [in the White House]."
Enlow then likened Trump to the biblical character King David, who was anointed as king by the prophet Samuel. David initially saw the Kingdom of Israel ruled by Ish-bosheth following the death of Saul, while David ruled over Judah.
"It looked like the prophet Samuel was wrong," Enlow said. "David was only accepted as king by Judah. Guess who's the only ones in the body of Christ accepting President Trump is king right now? The tribe of Judah. If you can go in the spirit, if you can see what's in Heaven, who's sitting in the throne; go up and look at the presidency seat in Heaven, see who's there. It ain't Biden; it's Trump."
Oh, for sure, just go to Heaven. Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning! Wait, no. That's Neverland. Unlike J.M. Barrie, Enlow does not feel compelled to share directions, so I suppose we're just supposed to take his word for it that he's running around Heaven all the time, checking out who is in what chair.
But I have some questions.
Where is he getting that Jewish people think Trump is president still from? Or that they are "in the body of Christ"? Does he have his own made-up Tribe of Judah that consists of people who are not Jewish?
It's unclear how a Presidency seat in Heaven would work. Like ... is it just the President of the United States or do other world leaders get their own chairs/thrones as well? And how are they sitting in them if they are not dead? Isn't Jesus supposed to be the one sitting on a throne in Heaven, anyway? Are there multiple thrones now? Is Heaven just a bunch of dead and not dead people sitting on thrones? I am very confused.
Enlow did not specify what the President's Chair in Heaven looks like, but I'd like to think it probably looks a little like the throne they have at Salvatore's Italian Gardens in Buffalo.
That's not Trump, it's my sister, Gia, posing for her novena card.
You know, something classy and tasteful like that.
One would think that if Johnny Enlow were hanging out in Heaven all the time, some angel or another would have given him a better explanation for what's going on, instead of just letting him come to his own conclusions after looking at Heaven's official presidential seat. They'd also give him some kind of proof so that he doesn't just sound like a weirdo who can't tell his dreams from reality. Or at least give him some information that is more useful than "That guy who is not President is still president!"
Of course, it is possible that they all just hate his guts up in Heaven and this is a big prank. Or ... he could just be making all of this up.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse