Trump's face when he watches "Fox & Friends"

Donald Trump awakened Monday morning and started his week the same way all previous American presidents did, by rage-bitching on Twitter about the FBI director he fired for having the audacity to keep investigating his campaign, even after Trump tried to obstruct/kill that investigation:

OMG HEATHER IS IT LIKE SO ILLEGAL? LIKE HOW ILLEGAL IS IT? Are we talking like "Taylor ran a red light in her new BMW" illegal, or more like "the Trump campaign may have colluded with an enemy nation called Russia to steal the 2016 election" illegal?

First of all, like most thoughts that originate in Trump's anal canal and then somehow find their way into his brain, this is a lie. Comey did not leak classified information to the media. Comey leaked a memo to his friend and asked him to give it to a reporter. It is a memo we all know about, and there was nothing classified in it. Comey wrote many other memos about his encounters with President PussGrab, a few of which contained secret or classified information. He has turned all of those over to special counsel Robert Mueller. Comey explained this during his testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee. In fact, moron GOP Senator Roy Blunt asked Comey for clarification on that very point, and he gave it. ALSO TOO, in fact, Comey had an interesting exchange with Democratic Senator Mark Warner, vice chair of the committee, where he explained that he specifically wrote the memo we all know about, where he describes the Oval Office meeting wherein Trump tried to obstruct justice by the pussy and get the FBI to stop investigating Michael Flynn, in such a way as to make sure it DID NOT have classified information in it. That way, he could share it if it became necessary. (SPOILER: It became necessary.)

Since this is all well-established fact at this point, why is FuckPuddle McOrange tweeting about it right now, besides maybe to distract everyone from how his son, FuckPuddle Junior, is under fire for trying to do ACTUAL COLLUSION with Russia? Oh just the usual. Trump was watching "Fox & Friends" in his ketchup-stained nightgown and they did a BIG EXCLUSIVE BULLSHIT BOMBSHELL REPORT on how Comey allegedly leaked classified information to his BFF, and thus, "broke the rules":

That grammar champion tweet and the "Fox & Friends" report it links to rely on an article in The Hill, written by wingnut John Solomon of wingnut Sinclair Broadcasting, under the headline, "Comey’s private memos on Trump conversations contained classified material." Now, pay close attention, astute readers, because we need you to compare what Fox News said with that headline and figure out if they are the same. TIME'S UP, YOU WIN! They don't remotely say the same thing, as any person with a rudimentary grasp of the English language can see. (Of course, this excludes most Fox News viewers and the barely elected president of the United States.)

A careful reading of Solomon's journalistic tour de force reveals a wingnut seemingly intentionally jumping back and forth between the non-breaking news that some of Comey's memos had classified information in them and the non-new information that he shared one un-classified memo with his pal, to be leaked to the New York Times. We imagine he's hoping you're not that good at reading, just like the American president and the "Fox & Friends" couch of marginally sentient dildos. And Kellyanne Conway, who said Monday morning that this is the REAL story everybody should be talking about right now.

Specifically, out of seven Comey memos, four were classified to one degree or another. Guess which memos we haven't read? Those. Which one do we know all about? One of the ones that had no classified information in it, because Comey specifically wrote it up that way.

We always knew -- FROM THE VERY FUCKING BEGINNING -- that some of Comey's memos had secret or classified information in them, and why did we know? Because Comey testified about it! That's why those exchanges with Roy Blunt and Mark Warner happened! See above!

So what are we talking about here? Fucking nothing. How much of fucking nothing? The original Hill report, by the Sinclair wingnut, had exactly two tags on it, and one of them was "Hillary Clinton." Not even James Comey showed up in the tags, because this story wasn't actually about James Comey, it was about changing the subject.

Oh, and by the way, Comey pal Benjamin Wittes has some thoughts about Trump's tweet. You should read them, because he is smart.

Wonkette salaries are fully funded by people like you! If you love us, click below to fund us!

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

NO. IT CAN'T BE! Does the Republican-led United States Senate have ... a limit? Is there somehow a line they won't cross in this era of "Let's just go along with whatever Batshit McBigMac up there at 1600 Pennsylvania says and who cares if we destroy America in the process?" Turn out the answer to that question is maybe, and the limit is apparently when the crown prince of Saudi Arabia bone saws a Washington Post journalist to death and the president and the secretaries of State and Defense lie about it to their faces.

Senators do not like being lied to, no matter what party they're in. (Unless they're Chuck Grassley and it's Trump people lying about Russia and they're dangling sweet, delicious corn cobs in front of his face. Or if it's Lindsey Graham, when Trump's mouth is open. But otherwise they hate it.)

The Senate has been holding hearings and offering strongly worded resolutions aimed at forcing Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman to take responsibility for the Jamal Khashoggi murder, and also stop genociding the fuck out of Yemen and blockading Qatar and kidnapping the Lebanese prime minister and jailing dissidents, and SO ON. In short, the consensus is that MBS is out of goddamn control and needs to be reined in, yesterday.

On Thursday, the Senate followed that up WITH VOTES. Indeed, the Senate voted unanimously to blame MBS for the murder. (Right here, we are using the definition of "unanimously" that means ALL OF THEM, KATIE, because that is what "unanimously" always means.)

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC
CBP Photo, McAllen, Texas, June 2018

A seven-year-old Guatemalan girl died of dehydration and shock after she and other migrants turned themselves in to Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents in the New Mexico desert last week, and that's America now, Merry Christmas (NOT "happy holidays," because this is a Christian nation, goddammit). The girl began having seizures about eight hours after she and her father were taken into custody by CBP near Lordsburg, New Mexico. Emergency responders got her on a helicopter to a hospital in El Paso, but she died the next day.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc