Trump Sec Def Remembers Time He Stopped The President From Canceling Protesters With Bullets
President Trump Visits St. John's Episcopal Church | Flickr

Hey, free speech warriors, we got a live one for you! Turns out Donald Trump wanted the Defense Department to shoot racial justice protestors exercising their First Amendment right to stand on the street and tell the government to stop murdering black people.

Axios got an excerpt from former Defense Secretary Mark Esper's upcoming book, A Sacred Oath, trying to whitewash his reputation and monetize his time in the Trump administration. (That's a no for us, dawg!)

"Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something?" shouted the stable genius.

Luckily, our hero "Yesper" kept a cool head:

That moment in the first week of June, 2020, "was surreal, sitting in front of the Resolute desk, inside the Oval Office, with this idea weighing heavily in the air, and the president red faced and complaining loudly about the protests under way in Washington, D.C.," Esper writes.

"The good news — this wasn't a difficult decision," Esper continues. "The bad news — I had to figure out a way to walk Trump back without creating the mess I was trying to avoid."

Are we supposed to clap like trained seals because this guy refused to shoot protestors, not even with a little buckshot in their knees? Congratulate him for not ordering troops to assault and/or murder Americans for exercising their constitutionally protected right to protest?

How about NO. And also, we were there, asshole!

We remember the Park Police firing tear gas on protesters to clear Lafayette Park so Trump could molest a Bible in front of a church. And we remember Trump dispatching troops to crack heads in American cities. And we remember those unlawful arrests for the crime of being on the street dressed in black. So miss us with this self-congratulatory bullshit about saving the body politic by protecting the right of citizens to speak and assemble. Because that plainly did not happen.

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Also we remember the last time this story was reported, only that time it was Gen. Mark Milley laundering his reputation in Michael Bender's book Frankly, We Did Win This Election: The Inside Story of How Trump Lost. But we bring it up again now because (a) it still makes the hairs on the back of our neck stand on end; and (b) it's illustrative to see which supposed First Amendment champions have nothing whatsoever to say about it.

There's no pretty white girl feeling awky because her college peers think her ideas are dumb and her MAGA hat is tacky, so Bari Weiss is out.

Senator Josh Hawley, who called for Attorney General Merrick Garland to resign for the heinous crime of saying he'd protect school officials from parents making violent threats at school board meetings, hasn't made a peep about the president calling for actual violence against Americans expressing their opinion.


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Elon Musk is Musking all over the internet about supposed First Amendment violations by private companies — which is not a thing, FFS! — but seems oddly unconcerned about this government threat to censor citizens in a very real, permanent sense.

Glenn Greenwald blocks us, so you'll let us know if it's his time of the quarter to make a token criticism of Republicans before racing back to his hidey hole and pretending that all that's standing between the Democrats and fascism is brave patriots like John Durham.

Andrew Sullivan is far too busy shitting on trans kids at the moment, call back later.

Ben Shapiro is furiously retconning a justification for Ron DeSantis to use the power of the government to suppress Disney's right to disagree with the filthy Don't Say Gay law.

We could play this game all day long, but you get the point. After screaming bloody murder about censorship and cancel culture and Free Speech, the reality is that they're only delighted to trample the First Amendment rights of anyone who disagrees with them. Which isn't exactly news, but it is instructive.

Third verse, same as the first. Little bit louder, little bit worse.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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