donald trump GIF by NowThis

Huh, look who changed his mind suddenly for some reason:

Golly, that's interesting.

Donald Trump has been telling us since he was a candidate in 2016 that the election (any election) would be #RIGGED, accusing his opponents of all nefariousnesses in the process. And he was right: In 2016, it was rigged! By Russia, by James Comey, by voter suppression, etc.

And over the past few weeks Trump has been claiming vote-by-mail would be #RIGGED, partially because he and other Republicans know that when all eligible voters have access to the vote, they lose, and also because he wants to throw a cloud of suspicion over any result that isn't in his favor, especially considering how the polls at this point show him losing to a wet turd that has coronavirus. His saber-rattling against putting votes in mailboxes really reached its greasy authoritarian orange yuck-gasm last week when he suggested delaying the election.

But now Florida will be fine. Absentee, vote by mail, whatever you want to call it, it'll be fine. (Note that he accidentally admitted that voting by mail and voting absentee are the same thing.)

So what's going on here, besides how Florida is run by THE MOST ass-licking of all Trump ass-lickers, starting at the top with Governor Ron DeSantis? Dunno.

Trump explained more of his "reasoning" Tuesday afternoon:

"So Florida's got a great Republican governor and it had a great Republican governor (before that) ... and over a long period of time they've been able to get the absentee ballots done extremely professionally. Florida's different from other states," Trump said, before criticizing vote-by-mail efforts in Nevada and New York, states led by Democratic governors.

Fuck off.

White House Press Liar Idiot Kayleigh McEnany explained more of the president's "reasoning" Tuesday afternoon:

"Well the President's always said that absentee voting for a reason is different than mass mail-out voting like what Nevada is seeking to do, which leads to mass fraud."

Fuck off.

CNN does report that Florida Republicans have been pushing Trump to be OK with mail-in voting in the state, so maybe they know something we don't. (Ha ha, that's ominous.) Maybe the thing they know is that Florida residents are getting infected with and dying of coronavirus at crazy rates. It's possible Florida Republicans know most of their voters are old fartsacks who live in yucky planned old fartsack communities with made-up fartsack names like "Ranch Dressing Villages," and they want to make sure Nana and Papaw don't start thinking they can't trust the mail to deliver their Trumpy fartsack votes.

Florida GOP Senator Marco Rubio, AKA Little Marco, who once strongly implied Donald Trump has a little bitty peenerweenus, is apparently somewhat of a Trump whisperer these days, and he said the other day that Florida vote-by-mail is fine.

Whatever it is, election lawyers, please keep your eyes on Florida, like you always fucking have to do, it's such a shitshow.

Just so you know the Trump administration is TOTALLY on message with this, as per usual, here is White House spokesdick Mercedes Schlapp on CNN on Tuesday, frustrating the everliving fuck out of anchor Brianna Keilar.

CNN host to Mercedes Schlapp: 'You're saying a bunch of crap'

Schlapp kept baselessly saying that mail-in ballots cause fraud. Keilar called bullshit. Schlapp suggested Nevada making voting safer by mailing ballots to all eligible voters is somehow #RIGGED, and made vague whines about "ballot harvesting." Keilar called bullshit and said hey, you dumb asshole, the only illegal "ballot harvesting" we've seen lately was committed by Republicans in North Carolina. Schlapp yelled about the problems with counting in primaries in New York. Keilar noted that had to do with counting, not fraud, you lying fuck.

Then Schlapp tried to tell Keilar why absentee ballots are so different from mail-in ballots, even though Trump just said they're totally the same, and Schlapp lied more:

"[T]here are some that are interchangeable and then absentee voting is you're absent from your home state and you request a ballot and you send it back and it is verified," Schlapp replied. "And in mail-in voting, you're mailing in these ballots across the board unverified and that is where it produces a problem."

"They're not unverified," an exasperated Keilar snapped back. "You know there are safety precautions in place such as barcodes. There are some people who even worry about they don't necessarily want to use snail mail. There are places that they could drop off ballots. You know there are precautions to ensure that the ballots will be counted."

Schlapp also lied multiple times and suggested that in Nevada, people will be allowed to vote days after the election. That is not a thing.

By the end of the segment, Keilar was like fuck it, telling Schlapp, "This is pointless. I get it, you're just saying a bunch of crap! Okay. You're saying a bunch of crap."

And that seems like a good place to end this blog post, because fuck 'em all, they're all liars.

There are 90 days until the election. Who are you making sure is registered to help vote these garbage souls out of office today?

[CNN / Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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