Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!
Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and had a security guard escort Ramos from the room. After a while, Ramos was allowed back in; while Trump talked over and avoided answering Ramos's questions, at least he ignored the man face to face. We can hardly wait for President Trump to address the United Nations and tell the delegates to go the hell back to whatever stupid countries they came from, because nobody's ever even heard of them.
As the press conference began, Ramos stood and started asking Trump questions about his impossible immigration "plan," and Trump pretended that Ramos simply wasn't there, pointing to other reporters and inviting their questions. You'd almost think the other reporters recognized and respected Ramos, seeing as how nobody interrupted him. Except for Trump, who kept saying to Ramos, “Excuse me, sit down. You weren’t called. Sit down. Sit down.” Finally, Trump got the Sound Bite of the Week, telling Ramos, "You haven’t been called, go back to Univision,” then gesturing to a security dude, with his lips, in some sort of atavistic throwback to his simian ancestors.
The security guy then walked a protesting Ramos out the door.
Following Ramos's removal, Trump pretended he barely knew who the guy was, repeatedly saying that Ramos had been "screaming" questions at him without having been called on. Then, asked why he had done that thing a roomful of reporters had just watched him do, he denied it:
When asked by a reporter why he'd had Ramos kicked out, Trump said he didn’t know much about him.
“I don’t believe I’ve ever met him, except he started screaming. I didn’t escort him out,” Trump said. “You’ll have to talk to security, whoever security is.”
Ramos had not screamed.
This is undoubtedly going to become a true fact, even though anyone listening can tell that Ramos never raised his voice. If you're not being nice to Donald, you're screaming, and he'll wish you into the Green Room. After a few minutes, Trump magnanimously allowed Ramos to return, in a stylized version of how he'll deal with all 11 million of America's undocumented immigrants: Deport first -- especially the mouthy ones -- then let the good ones back in through the beautiful door in his golden border wall, which is not, and never has been, a "fence."
Once Trump actually acknowledged Ramos's existence, he interrupted his questions and insisted that Ramos was wrong about everything, which actually was a sign of Trump's respect, because that's how he treats every reporter.
As to whether it's actually possible to build a wall across 1900 miles of land, through mountains, on private property, and across endangered species habitat, Trump assured Ramos it's no big deal, since he builds things all the time, and they're all beautiful.
"It's very easy," Trump said. "I'm a builder.... What's more complicated is building a building that's 95 stories tall."
Eventually, since Ramos seemed intent on acting like some crazy insane woman on her period, Trump exclaimed, "I can't deal with this." When Ramos asked how on earth Trump expected to actually remove 11 million people from the country, Trump assured him that it would be done "in a very humane fashion" because Donald Trump is so goddamn magnanimous: "I have a bigger heart than you do." And to prove what a big humanitarian he is, Trump promised that the very first to go would be all the Mexican gangs, because there are so many criminal Mexican gangs preying on innocent Americans, and does Jorge Ramos actually want those violent criminals to stay in the country? Well does he?
Finally, despite his earlier pretense that he had no idea who the silly screaming Mexican guy was, Trump sidestepped a question about how horrible he's doing in polls of Latino voters to ask Ramos if he knew a different number:
"How much am I suing Univision for right now? Do you know the number? I know you're part of the lawsuit" [...]
"I'm a reporter," Ramos said.
"Five hundred million dollars," Trump replied. "And they're very concerned about it, by the way. I'm very good at this."
With the surge in popularity among the white idiot community that's sure to follow this display, it is expected that Donald Trump will declare both the primary and general elections unnecessary, and will show up at the White House early next week to demand the keys. It's about time we had a president who acts presidential and respects the dignity of the office and shit.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.