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Let the quitfiring begin! Donald Trump's own internal polls are shit, so obviously it's time to fire the pollsters. Last week, the New York Times reported that Trump is freaking out and using his ancient, unsecured cellphone to make late night booty calls to his old pals for a little rub and tug to his ego. Russia, if you're listening ... and we know you are.

The Ego in Chief is flipping his shit because his own pollster Tony Fabrizio -- of Paul Manafort kickback and internal polling shared with Russians fame -- showed Trump trailing Biden badly this March in 11 swing states, with close races in six others. Trump's campaign manager Brad "Pube Beard" Parscale has been bragging about expanding his campaign into New Mexico, New Hampshire, and Nevada, at the same time his internal polls show them losing Pennsylvania by 16, Wisconsin by 11, Minnesota by 14, Michigan by 13, North Carolina by 8, Virginia by 17, and Ohio by 1. Fabrizio even showed him losing Georgia by 6!


Naturally, Trump denied these polls ever took place, telling ABC's George Stephanopoulos:

Nobody showed you those polls because those polls don't exist, George. Those polls don't exist. I'm losing in 15 out of 17 states? Those polls don't exist. I just was given a meeting with my pollster who I frankly don't even believe in pollsters if you want to know the truth, you just run a campaign and whatever it is, it is, but I just had a meeting with somebody that's a pollster and I'm winning everywhere, so I don't know what you're talking about.

He's winning EVERYWHERE. Or at least that's what he's ordered his campaign aides to say. He's definitely whining everywhere, anyway.

Brad Parscale told a different story, however. See, those polls do exist, but they're, like, super old and now Trump is surging since he was "exonerated" by Robert Mueller and the Democrats proposed free abortions for all immigrants if they vote illegally ... or something.

These leaked numbers are ancient, in campaign terms, from months-old polling that began in March before two major events had occurred: the release of the summary of the Mueller report exonerating the President, and the beginning of the Democrat candidates defining themselves with their far-left policy message. [...] Since then, we have seen huge swings in the President's favor across the 17 states we have polled, based on the policies now espoused by the Democrats. For example, the plan to provide free health care to illegal immigrants results in an 18-point swing toward President Trump.

ABC helpfully points out that one-third of the polling took place after Bill Barr dropped his BS summary of the Mueller Report, and push polling -- "Would you be more or less likely to vote for Joe Biden if you heard he was going to raise your taxes to pay for health insurance for every illegal MS-13 member at the border?" -- is a way to persuade, not measure, the electorate. NBC quotes Tony Fabrizio saying that the numbers were a "worst-case scenario in the most unfavorable turnout model possible." He anticipates a "more likely turnout model patterned after 2016," although Fabrizio failed to explain why he expected the mid-term Democratic surge to subside to 2016 levels, when the Democratic candidate had been a public punching bag for an entire generation and large numbers of Democrats stayed home or cast protest votes confident that she would win without them.

Just leaving this here, BTW.

Naturally Trump has responded by You're Firing several pollsters. Fabrizio and John McLaughlin can stay. But Kellyanne Conway's old firm Polling Company/WomanTrend, Rick Perry's longtime pollsters at Baselice & Associates out of Austin, and Chris Christie's former pollster Adam Geller all got the boot. For leaking? To save money? Because their offices were next to Fabrizio's, and he had the sense to GTFO of the office when the story broke? Who the hell knows!

NO CHAOS! NO CHAOS! YOU ARE THE CHAOS!

[NYT / ABC / NBC / WaPo]

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