Trump Sprays Irish Premier After Brazilian Prime Minister Sprays Trump. ALLEGEDLY.
White House Flickr


Okay, but look at this filthy sonofabitch!

That's your president getting asked by reporters about his contacts this weekend with Fabio Wajngarten, communications secretary to Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, who just tested positive for COVID-19. Wajngarten accompanied his boss on a trip to Mar-a-Lago this weekend, because the president always conducts government business at his own properties, and charges us for the privilege, of course.

Good thing we got that travel ban on Europe, huh? Really dodged a bullet there!

The president is "not concerned" because "we did nothing very unusual, we sat next to each other for a period of time, had a great conversation." Were you wondering if Trump and Bolsonaro swapped spit? Did they roll around on the lanai at Trump's Florida garbage palace? Did they give each other Brazilian waxes?

NO, YOU PERVERTS! They did "nothing very unusual," so obviously Trump has nothing to worry about. Your kid's school is about to shut down because some kid sneezed or went to CPAC — AS IT SHOULD — but the president's magical immune system is impervious to mere viruses. And apparently this fairy dust germ shield extends to his entire retinue, since Mike Pence and the rest of the yes-men are foregoing quarantine as well. They just don't have time for that now, because they're so busy keeping America safe.

Florida Senator Rick Scott, being a mere mortal, just quarantined himself after interacting with Bolsonaro and his secretary, saying, "[T]he health and safety of the American people is my focus, and I have made the decision to self-quarantine in an abundance of caution."

But abundant caution is really not Donald Trump's thing, so he just threw open the White House doors and welcomed in Irish Premier Leo Varadkar. From Washington, DC, Varadkar had just announced restrictions on public gatherings and the closure of all schools and daycare centers in his country, saying, "We've a duty as a society to protect ourselves, our parents and grandparents, our family and friends, our co-workers and neighbors." And then that poor man walked right into the White House to meet with America's Typhoid Mary President.

Justin Trudeau is telecommuting after his wife got back from England and came down with a cold. Meanwhile, our orange menace is just spreading his nasty, orange germs far and wide.

And GUESS WHAT? In the world's least surprising plot twist ...

Brazilian President Bolsonaro is being tested for possible COVID-19.

So, here they are on Saturday, March 7 at the "Winter White House."

President Trump Meets with President

No cause for concern here! Just totally normal president stuff.

President Trump Meets with President

Oh, hai, Mike Pence. Say, who else was at this party?

President Trump Meets with President

Princess Vanky, Prince Jared, and (acting) National Security Advisor Robert O'Brien?

And then the President came home and pinned this Medal of Freedom on General Jack Keane?

President Trump Presents the Medal of Freedom to General Jack

Followed by a meeting with banking and insurance leaders about the coronavirus crisis yesterday.

President Trump Meets with Banking

And then some good facetime with the Irish premier?

President Trump Meets with the Prime Minister of


Please accept our apologies in advance, Ireland. And not just because Varadkar had to sit there and make small talk with our demented old fool. Fingers crossed our president didn't give your leader the plague!

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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