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Just put a Band-Aid on it, don't be so weak and unprofessional.


As Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo so astutely pointed out, ladies and dude-ladies, we have our "first Trump-inspired hate crime." It was YOOOOGE. You see, first they pissed on a 58-year-old homeless Hispanic man, which woke him up. Then they beat the shit out of him, with their fists, and with a metal pole of some sort. By the end he had a broken nose and bruises all over, and it was, at least partially, because of Donald Trump:

Police said two brothers from South Boston ambushed the 58-year-old as he slept outside of a Dorchester MBTA stop, and targeted him because he is Hispanic. One of the brothers said he was inspired in part by GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump.

OH REALLY? Tell us more about politics, accused thug criminals:

“Donald Trump was right, all these illegals need to be deported,” the police said one of the brothers, Scott Leader, 38, told them. His brother, Steve Leader, 30, was also charged in the beating, the police said. The Globe reported that the brothers have extensive criminal records.

That is nice. Now, Donald Trump has a soul (we guess), so he's probably just absolutely horrified this happened, and instead of firing off hate tweets at Girl Scouts or whatever loser insulted him last, he's at home right now, lying in his bathtub, crying and wondering how it all went wrong, and does he need to see a therapist to help him never say Mexicans are rapists again? Because he thought all his tough talk on Messican-sounding people would make the Latinos love him and make their lives better, but apparently that is wrong?

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Nah, of course not, Trump took off his shoes and socks and stuck both feet in his mouth, the corns on his toes chafing his esophagus all the way down:

Trump, told of the alleged assault, said “it would be a shame . . . I will say that people who are following me are very passionate. They love this country and they want this country to be great again. They are passionate.”

TRANSLATION: It's always a shame, such a shame, when a Mexican -- who might be a rapist or maybe not, maybe he's a nice guy, I should hire him at one of my hotels -- calls me up and says, "Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump, I just got beaten to a bloody pulp by your supporters!" And I say, you know, all the Mexican rapists call me constantly, they love me, the Mexican rapists, so yeah, it's a shame, but you have to understand these people who love me, they're just YOOOOOGE and terrific and luxurious, so much passion, passionate people, Americans who are tired of losing their jobs to anchor babies, and I say "Look, I'm sorry about your little BOO BOO," but these people who send me money, I don't need money, I keep saying "Don't send me money, I don't need it!" and they say, "But Mr. Trump, I just want to contribute," and I say, "Fine, send me money, but you see, we're in this together, and we're Making America Great Again."

Sorry you got peed on and your face got broken.

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

[Boston Globe / New York Times via Gawker]

 

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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