Trump Surrogate Howie Carr Tries To Be All Racist About Obama, But Heart Not Really In It
Donald Trump surrogate Howie Carr tried to work himself up into a fine old racist rant against Barack Obama and his nefarious mom-jeans wearing dictatorial plot to kill tens of millions of Americans by giving Iran the Bomb (by making Iran give up its nuclear weapons technology), but honestly, Carr's September 28 rant simply sounded like a million anti-Obama fits that came before it. The poor man frankly sounds bored with hating Obama anymore:
The most catastrophic decision though, I think, as we look back on it in 20 or 50 years, as the history books record it, is the Iranian nuclear deal. Because that could end up killing tens of millions of Americans by giving the Mullahs the technology and ending the sanctions that enabled them to get the technology and giving them the money, the cash, that they need to buy the technology to build nuclear weapons. And you know they’re going to throw them at us. You just know -- and again, Obama thinks “Oh, I'm Mr. PC. I’m doing the right thing, you know? I don't hold it against these savages. These people who think that adultery causes earthquakes. These people who execute victims of homosexual rape. I celebrate diversity.”
You can hear the boredom in his voice, the ennui, the sense that he's run through the same bunch of anti-Islamic, anti-PC attempts at fearmongering too many times. It's almost an existential cry for help. Oh, sure, the words he's saying are full of some supposed fear that the crazed Iranian mullahs will kill us all, but behind them is a shock jock who worries he's not shocking anymore. Can he possibly believe anyone who thinks it through for half a minute really worries the United States is on the verge of being wiped out by Iran? Even Howie Carr listeners have to know we've got enough nukes to glass over Iran -- after all, on alternate Tuesdays, they call in to ask why we haven't done it yet. Still, he gives it a go, the good old wingnut try. If it worked in the exhilarating Tea Party Summer of '09, there's no reason it shouldn't still work seven years later:
Well, you know what? When they -- when, if they unleash nuclear weapons on United States of America -- the homeland -- they’re not going to ask, “Are you Mr. PC? Do you believe that the sound of the prayer call is one of the most beautiful sounds in the U.S.?” Those nuclear weapons are going to kill anybody, you know? Whether you’re gay, or whether you’re a beautiful person, or whether you are a Hollywood producer, or whether you’re an Obama bundler who got an ambassadorship. You are going to be dead, you know? It's not just going to kill deplorables and bitter clingers, it’s going to kill everybody and that’s what these people don’t understand. And they’re just --
That’s the worst thing about this administration. They’ve taken -- it took 230 years to make this the greatest country, the greatest society in human history, and they are trying to unravel it and destroy it for -- I don’t know why. I still don’t know why. What is -- this country handed everything to Barack Obama. He didn’t have to work for anything. Just because of the color of his skin he was given everything. And he still hates the country.
Or maybe Carr knows he doesn't make any more sense than that dream he had the other night, about the birthday party where the cake was made of lunchmeat, and frosted with...well, it was just frosting, actually. It was all wrong, but not so horrifying that it even counted as a nightmare. It's just the same damn stuff, day in and day out, and if you give it any thought, it really doesn't make any sense that Barack Obama would be trying to destroy America, much less succeeding at it. For heaven's sake, he hasn't even taken away our guns or banned Christianity, even. And now, faced with the likelihood of Hillary Clinton becoming president, Carr's cracking -- he's going to have to pretend to be outraged by every little goddamned thing she does too, and he's just not sure he can manage it. What does it add up to, anyway, if America stubbornly continues not to fall into a hellscape of sodomy and Girls reruns? Sure, he can take all the Obama freakouts and retool them to fit Hillary, but... is it even worth the trouble? Ah, fuck it, one more time with the "Obama was handed everything because he's black" routine and Howie Carr can go home and drink.
Maybe there'll be a game on later.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.