Trump Taps Nunes Lackey Kash Patel To Run Nation's Intelligence, If Any

Okay, Purity Ponies, this one's for YOU!

Guess which lunatic fox just got put in charge of the Intelligence henhouse? Hooray, it is Devin Nunes's lackey Kash Patel, who spent the past three years flogging the lie that the Intel Community made up the Russian interference story just to hurt Donald Trump. The president just promoted the guy who thinks the FBI and CIA lied about Russian hacking to cover up the fact that HILLARY CLINTON IS THE REAL COLLUSION to senior advisor at the Office of Director of National Intelligence. But please, tell us more about how you'll be staying home if your candidate doesn't win!

After shoving aside (acting) Director of National Intelligence Joe Maguire for the grievous sin of acknowledging Russian ratfucking, Trump named Ambassador to Germany Ric Grenell, a man with zero national security experience, as nominal (acting) DNI until he can pick a permanent successor. Grenell will retain his ambassadorship, and tend to the SEVENTEEN AGENCIES which constitute our the Intelligence Community in his spare time. But it's okay, because that should leave him plenty of time to zero out any projects focusing on Russian interference with the 2020 election. And if there's an issue with the time-zone or something, he's always got Kash Patel to lean on.

If the past three years have blurred together into one long nightmare for you, let's review who Kash Patel is, shall we?

As a Justice Department lawyer In 2016, Patel was issued a rare Order on Ineptitude — yes it's really called that! — by a federal judge in Houston after he spectacularly botched the mundane task of ordering a transcript, and then showed up in casual clothes to defend his conduct in in court. And it was all downhill from there.

Patel authored the famous Nunes Memo which proved Barack Obama weaponized the FBI against Carter Page to murder Donald Trump's campaign. Just kidding, it proved fuck-all except that Nunes and Patel are hacks who'd burn down the entire Intelligence Community if they thought it would help Donald Trump get reelected.

Patel, WHO IS A LAWYER, is also the whiny-ass little flopper who pretended that Rod Rosenstein had threatened to murder him with subpoenas after Rosenstein responded to Nunes's threat to impeach him by reminding the chairman that Rosenstein would be able to defend himself in such an impeachment by subpoenaing the relevant emails.

But failing up in Trump's DC is the norm, not the exception. So Patel soon found himself promoted to a position staffing the National Security Council, despite side-eye from his colleagues, who told the New York Times that Patel "took few notes in meetings and had little expertise for his initial portfolio, which covered the United Nations."

What our Kash lacked in actual knowledge, though, he made up for in the only currency that really matters in the current White House — the ability to tell Donald Trump what he wants to hear. And what Donald Trump wanted to hear was that, if he leaned on Ukraine hard enough, they would give up the goods on Joe Biden and damage the Democratic frontrunner for 2020. Call logs show that Patel was in contact with Rudy Giuliani in May, when he was traveling back and forth to Ukraine trying to gin up the Biden smear. And both Fiona Hill and Alexander Vindman testified that people in the West Wing were under the impression that Patel was the resident Ukraine expert. Which is allegedly how he got promoted again to a counterterrorism desk where he could do less harm. Ain't DC great!

In November, Patel, WHO IS A LAWYER, hired wack-ass libelslander lawyer Steven Biss to sue Politico and Natasha Bertrand for accurately reporting Hill and Vindman's testimony, arguing, "Schiff conducted the interviews like a Star Chamber or Kangaroo Court, and, in so doing, stripped the witnesses of any privilege or immunity from defamation that they may have enjoyed." Much normal! Totally law!

And now, Politico reports that the White House is shoving aside Deputy DNI Andrew Hallman, who has 30 years experience in the Intelligence Community, and replacing him with THIS DUMB FUCKING HACK. Because Hallman, who's only been in that job for four months, is insufficiently loyal to the president. So when DEVIN FUCKING NUNES told President Putin Grabber that DNI Maguire had failed to suppress evidence of Russian preference for Donald Trump, Hallman's head was second to roll after Maguire's.

So you'll forgive me for being blunt here. But if you think that there is any Democrat in this race who is as bad as Trump and doesn't deserve your vote in November, you are simply wrong.

This is a crisis. And you need to put on your big girl panties and vote.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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