Who him?

Time for another episode of "Sean Spicer Tries To Do Words," which is always a fun show to watch because there are literally no words to defend the shitshow having unprotected sex with a dumpster fire that is the Trump White House. Now, even though Donald Trump himself used his tiny fingers on Saturday to peck out that he was the victim of a "WIRE TAPP" by OBAMA, which would imply that he might think OBAMA PEOPLE (and not just the regular old FBI, no way no how) were investigating him, Sean Spicer -- who really does not want to talk about this -- said during his Wednesday press briefing that "There is no reason that we have to think the president is the target of any investigation whatsoever." NONE! NADA! Not the FBI, not Justice, not even in Congress, and certainly nothing relating to Trump's skeevy ties and maybe collusion with Russia. (SPOILER: The House and the Senate are both in the process of probing Trump by the pussy on his Russia ties, though we really need a special prosecutor or an independent commission, OR BOTH, since both committees are run by Trump-loving spooge-sicles. Also, the FBI has been investigating Trump associates for at least a year now.)

Spicer explained early on in Wednesday's presser that Trump is not being investigated:

Asked whether the president was the target of a counterintelligence inquiry, he replied: “I think that’s what we need to find out. There’s obviously a lot of concern.”

Wait, our bad! Spicer explained that Trump is not being investigated LATE in his presser, when, reports the New York Times, some aide gave him a piece of paper what told him what he is 'POSED to say:

But after an aide slipped Mr. Spicer a note, he circled back to clarify that “there is no reason to believe there is any type of investigation with respect to the Department of Justice.”

Oh. But, like, if there was a "WIRE TAPP," wouldn't that have gone through the FISA court at the request of the Justice Department, and if there was a "WIRE TAPP," wouldn't that mean the FISA judge thought there was enough evidence to monitor Trump's (Russian) associates, WHATEVER (Russian) country they might happen to be from? (Russia?)

But don't worry, Spicer is not saying the wrong thing, he is just presenting Alternative Facts!

“The tweet dealt with wiretaps,” Mr. Spicer said. “The other is an investigation. They are two separate issues.”

OK. So Obama definitely did the "WIRE TAPP," but nobody is investigating Dear Leader, because why would they even?

The New York Times writes several more paragraphs, taking time to explain the definition of a "target" of an FBI investigation, a person who is "likely to be indicted," and saying there's "no public evidence" Trump is that, at this point. We wonder if the Times did that as a way of being graceful toward the Trump White House, perhaps suggesting that they are parsing their words just so. Pfffffffffft, whatever.

Because come on, NYT, these Trump White House dumb-dumbs are idiots, so let's be honest. They're backed into a corner, they know "the feds are closing in on them," as Max Boot explains in Foreign Policy (Wonkette's unofficial sister publication), and they're just vomiting whatever words they can think of to deflect and distract attention from how they are probably GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY. We just don't know precisely how much they are guilty of yet!

Anyway, Sean Spicer is a toolbag covered in dick cheese, and on top of that, here is a picture of him dressed as a bunny:

The end.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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